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To stop challenging someone from using anti-gay language simply because they persist in using anti-gay language strikes me as a defeatist approach.
Mallory Ortberg
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Mallory Ortberg
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More quotes by Mallory Ortberg
Enjoy your relationship with your boyfriend and don't worry about the people or situations you dream about. Once you wake up, they're over let them go.
Mallory Ortberg
In no state in America is it legal for a landlord to demand their tenants lead a healthy lifestyle in order to rent property.
Mallory Ortberg
Someone who has a disability is not necessarily in distress. You may be embarrassing and inconveniencing someone by butting in and making assumptions.
Mallory Ortberg
Diapers do not belong on the same table as food.
Mallory Ortberg
You have a right to be treated professionally at work, and it's your supervisor's job to make sure all their employees can perform their duties comfortably and safely.
Mallory Ortberg
I hate to get gender essentialist, but I'm starting to think that a lot of married men have some sort of heterosexually induced dentistry aversion.
Mallory Ortberg
You can't prevent a possible future closeness between your upcoming child and one or more of their grandparents.
Mallory Ortberg
If you’re so forgetful that you’re incapable of remembering that a co-worker isn’t pregnant on three separate occasions in as many months, I worry about your memory and cognition skills.
Mallory Ortberg
If you don't like potlucks, the solution to your problem is don't go to potlucks, not insist other people don't have them.
Mallory Ortberg
Acting politely in front of someone black and/or gay and then making horrible claims about their intelligence or worth as human beings after they leave the room is not kindness - it's hypocrisy.
Mallory Ortberg
As long as you don't think he's just pretending not to mind for your sake, it sounds like he has truly accepted that blow jobs are too difficult and painful for you to perform, and he's still very satisfied with your sex life. Take him at his word.
Mallory Ortberg
It's one thing to be a high achiever it's quite another to privately sneer at your girlfriend's friends after feigning friendliness because they have the misfortune to drive a bus for a living.
Mallory Ortberg
Worrying seems like a fairly natural state of being for a parent, so feel free to worry as much as you want.
Mallory Ortberg
Many fathers go their entire lives without announcing how sexy their son's old girlfriends are.
Mallory Ortberg
We are all going to die, sometimes even in the middle of a lease.
Mallory Ortberg
The hardest part about being ghosted is the fact that you can't deal with the ghoster directly. You just never hear from them again, and everything feels odd and incomplete.
Mallory Ortberg
Don't badger people without children into admitting the secret desire for children you're sure they have to you! Don't badger anyone! Leave the badgering to the badgers.
Mallory Ortberg
One of the glorious things about being a person in the world is that you don't have to worry about whether or not someone else is trying to be creepy.
Mallory Ortberg
Someone who responds to Please don't grope me with whining and pouting isn't a friend. He's an asshole and a predator.
Mallory Ortberg
Tenancy laws can be so complicated I want to make sure OP is protected as much as possible.
Mallory Ortberg