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Some struggling marriages can be salvaged with hard work and counseling others should be dismantled and stripped for parts.
Mallory Ortberg
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Mallory Ortberg
Struggling
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Marriages
More quotes by Mallory Ortberg
Many fathers go their entire lives without announcing how sexy their son's old girlfriends are.
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You have a wonderful opportunity here to not care about something that doesn’t matter to you. Please don’t miss out on it.
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I don't think unfriending your old crush on Facebook will do much other than remove him from your Facebook feed. Don't beat yourself up over what you dream about there are a lot worse things that could slip across the transom of your unconscious mind than an old high school crush who was always nice to you.
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Diapers do not belong on the same table as food.
Mallory Ortberg
Depression cannot be overcome by listing a series of good things in one's life, any more than a broken foot can be healed by thinking about all the other bones you have that aren't broken.
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If you go out with someone and decide you don't want to see them again, do them the courtesy of saying, Hey, I had a nice time, but I don't think things are going to work out between us. Only you can help fight ghosting.
Mallory Ortberg
You can care very much about someone without being capable of becoming their primary caregiver in the event of their parents' untimely death.
Mallory Ortberg
Reciprocating oral sex is, in general, a very good idea!
Mallory Ortberg
I do not think it is selfish to want to donate a kidney only to family members.
Mallory Ortberg
Unlike celibacy, which people choose, asexuality is an intrinsic part of who we are.
Mallory Ortberg
I'm of the opinion that it is always a kind and appropriate decision to get in touch with someone who's lost a loved one to remind them that you're thinking of them and have fond memories of the deceased.
Mallory Ortberg
As you feel increasingly comfortable around your friends, I think it's more than fine to share the basic details of your heroin addiction with them. If they seem receptive, you can feel free to talk about it in further detail if they seem judgmental or uncomfortable, you can move on to other topics.
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There are alternatives to pregnancy if you want another child.
Mallory Ortberg
You don't need to hide the fact that you're in recovery, but you don't have to share your history of addiction with acquaintances at work, either.
Mallory Ortberg
Reconciliation is not possible when one party asks the other to obliterate all signs of their relationship.
Mallory Ortberg
It's one thing to be a high achiever it's quite another to privately sneer at your girlfriend's friends after feigning friendliness because they have the misfortune to drive a bus for a living.
Mallory Ortberg
Tenancy laws can be so complicated I want to make sure OP is protected as much as possible.
Mallory Ortberg
Five-foot-8 is a perfectly normal height for a woman - it's slightly but not at all unusually tall and certainly shouldn't be causing you any torment.
Mallory Ortberg
A woman who repeatedly asks a man she knows to be gay when he's going to get married and have children is not trying to let sleeping dogs lie.
Mallory Ortberg
We are all going to die, sometimes even in the middle of a lease.
Mallory Ortberg