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If you don't like potlucks, the solution to your problem is don't go to potlucks, not insist other people don't have them.

Mallory Ortberg

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Mallory Ortberg
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Many fathers go their entire lives without announcing how sexy their son's old girlfriends are.
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I don't know of any way to control the subject of one's dreams although I'm fairly certain there are more than a few types of psychoanalysis dedicated to the topic.
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It can't hurt to have a backup.
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One of the glorious things about being a person in the world is that you don't have to worry about whether or not someone else is trying to be creepy.
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There are alternatives to pregnancy if you want another child.
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Unlike celibacy, which people choose, asexuality is an intrinsic part of who we are.
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Some struggling marriages can be salvaged with hard work and counseling others should be dismantled and stripped for parts.
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In no state in America is it legal for a landlord to demand their tenants lead a healthy lifestyle in order to rent property.
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You can't prevent a possible future closeness between your upcoming child and one or more of their grandparents.
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I don't think it's a requirement that a happy, fulfilling relationship also provide the best sex of all time.
Mallory Ortberg
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As you feel increasingly comfortable around your friends, I think it's more than fine to share the basic details of your heroin addiction with them. If they seem receptive, you can feel free to talk about it in further detail if they seem judgmental or uncomfortable, you can move on to other topics.
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Someone who responds to Please don't grope me with whining and pouting isn't a friend. He's an asshole and a predator.
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I hate to get gender essentialist, but I'm starting to think that a lot of married men have some sort of heterosexually induced dentistry aversion.
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You have a right to be treated professionally at work, and it's your supervisor's job to make sure all their employees can perform their duties comfortably and safely.
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Reconciliation is not possible when one party asks the other to obliterate all signs of their relationship.
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It should go without saying that you are not doing anything wrong by having sex in your own home, and based on the care you've taken to keep things relatively quiet it's unlikely that you're violating any city noise ordinances.
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You need to be able to express your resentment and sense of loss in a way that doesn't damage your partner.
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You can care very much about someone without being capable of becoming their primary caregiver in the event of their parents' untimely death.
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Nothing good comes of reading other people's emails.
Mallory Ortberg
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The hardest part about being ghosted is the fact that you can't deal with the ghoster directly. You just never hear from them again, and everything feels odd and incomplete.
Mallory Ortberg