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Reciprocating oral sex is, in general, a very good idea!

Mallory Ortberg

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Mallory Ortberg
Oral
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General
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Someone who has a disability is not necessarily in distress. You may be embarrassing and inconveniencing someone by butting in and making assumptions.
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If you don't like potlucks, the solution to your problem is don't go to potlucks, not insist other people don't have them.
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The mere idea of asking a family member if they intentionally stopped sending me an annual bonus makes me feel like breaking out in hives.
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Some struggling marriages can be salvaged with hard work and counseling others should be dismantled and stripped for parts.
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I don't think unfriending your old crush on Facebook will do much other than remove him from your Facebook feed. Don't beat yourself up over what you dream about there are a lot worse things that could slip across the transom of your unconscious mind than an old high school crush who was always nice to you.
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Depression cannot be overcome by listing a series of good things in one's life, any more than a broken foot can be healed by thinking about all the other bones you have that aren't broken.
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You have a right to be treated professionally at work, and it's your supervisor's job to make sure all their employees can perform their duties comfortably and safely.
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Many fathers go their entire lives without announcing how sexy their son's old girlfriends are.
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It's OK to tell your partner to objectify you. That's part of the fun of having a partner.
Mallory Ortberg
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It is so tempting to return rudeness with rudeness!
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The hardest part about being ghosted is the fact that you can't deal with the ghoster directly. You just never hear from them again, and everything feels odd and incomplete.
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I hate to get gender essentialist, but I'm starting to think that a lot of married men have some sort of heterosexually induced dentistry aversion.
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It should go without saying that you are not doing anything wrong by having sex in your own home, and based on the care you've taken to keep things relatively quiet it's unlikely that you're violating any city noise ordinances.
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We are all going to die, sometimes even in the middle of a lease.
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I do not think it is selfish to want to donate a kidney only to family members.
Mallory Ortberg
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Enjoy your relationship with your boyfriend and don't worry about the people or situations you dream about. Once you wake up, they're over let them go.
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I'm of the opinion that it is always a kind and appropriate decision to get in touch with someone who's lost a loved one to remind them that you're thinking of them and have fond memories of the deceased.
Mallory Ortberg
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As you feel increasingly comfortable around your friends, I think it's more than fine to share the basic details of your heroin addiction with them. If they seem receptive, you can feel free to talk about it in further detail if they seem judgmental or uncomfortable, you can move on to other topics.
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You need to be able to express your resentment and sense of loss in a way that doesn't damage your partner.
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Kids know when they're getting yelled at and mocked, I can assure you.
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