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It is so tempting to return rudeness with rudeness!

Mallory Ortberg

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Mallory Ortberg
Rudeness
Tempting
Return

More quotes by Mallory Ortberg

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The hardest part about being ghosted is the fact that you can't deal with the ghoster directly. You just never hear from them again, and everything feels odd and incomplete.
Mallory Ortberg
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I don't think unfriending your old crush on Facebook will do much other than remove him from your Facebook feed. Don't beat yourself up over what you dream about there are a lot worse things that could slip across the transom of your unconscious mind than an old high school crush who was always nice to you.
Mallory Ortberg
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Someone who responds to Please don't grope me with whining and pouting isn't a friend. He's an asshole and a predator.
Mallory Ortberg
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I'm of the belief that dating potential is almost always an exercise in frustration.
Mallory Ortberg
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The mere idea of asking a family member if they intentionally stopped sending me an annual bonus makes me feel like breaking out in hives.
Mallory Ortberg
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If your partner asks you if something bothers you, and something bothers you, the best thing you can do is say, Yes, it bothers me. Otherwise you create a situation where they think everything is fine, continue with the offending behavior, while you build up a secret reservoir of resentment that will eventually come pouring out, to their shock
Mallory Ortberg
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I'm pretty sure there's no sexuality that justifies constant low-level harassment.
Mallory Ortberg
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Some struggling marriages can be salvaged with hard work and counseling others should be dismantled and stripped for parts.
Mallory Ortberg
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There are alternatives to pregnancy if you want another child.
Mallory Ortberg
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It can't hurt to have a backup.
Mallory Ortberg
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You have a wonderful opportunity here to not care about something that doesn’t matter to you. Please don’t miss out on it.
Mallory Ortberg
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Some people give gifts in order to bewilder, confuse, and manipulate their recipients.
Mallory Ortberg
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It's one thing to be a high achiever it's quite another to privately sneer at your girlfriend's friends after feigning friendliness because they have the misfortune to drive a bus for a living.
Mallory Ortberg
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o one is right when it comes to destination weddings. It’s a big ask, requesting people take time off work and fly off to take a cruise just to see you get married, and they’re perfectly justified in saying no if they don’t have the time, the money, or simply the inclination.
Mallory Ortberg
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If just one person touches you without your permission, stepping back and saying clearly, Please don't touch me should get them to stop.
Mallory Ortberg
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Reciprocating oral sex is, in general, a very good idea!
Mallory Ortberg
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There's simply no way you can tell a woman you work with that you disapprove of her relationship with her adult child, no matter how much you think it would be better for him to move out.
Mallory Ortberg
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Enjoy your relationship with your boyfriend and don't worry about the people or situations you dream about. Once you wake up, they're over let them go.
Mallory Ortberg
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I don't know of any way to control the subject of one's dreams although I'm fairly certain there are more than a few types of psychoanalysis dedicated to the topic.
Mallory Ortberg
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To stop challenging someone from using anti-gay language simply because they persist in using anti-gay language strikes me as a defeatist approach.
Mallory Ortberg