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I've been in more laps than a napkin.

Mae West

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Mae West
Age: 87 †
Born: 1893
Born: August 17
Died: 1980
Died: November 22
Actor
Actress
Autobiographer
Comedian
Film Actor
Playwright
Screenwriter
Singer
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Mary Jane West
Jane West
Witty
Humorous
Funny
Napkin
Laps
Napkins
Lap
Sarcastic

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A man has more character in his face at forty than at twenty - he has suffered longer.
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Sex with love is the greatest thing in life. But sex without love--that's not so bad either.
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His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.
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It ain't no sin if you crack a few laws now and then, just so long as you don't break any.
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Why don't you come up sometime 'n see me? I'm home every evening. . . . Come up. I'll tell your fortune. . . . Ah, you can be had.
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I meet a man with a thousand dollars and leave him with two that's the meaning of subtraction.
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Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly.
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Never ask a man where he has been.
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Good theater is not what is expected, but what surprises.
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It's hard to find a good man, but it's good to find a hard one.
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The score never interested me, only the game.
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I wrote the story myself. It's all about a girl who lost her reputation but never missed it.
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Men are all alike - except the one you've met who's different.
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Men would wither and custom stale them, but diamonds! Ah, they were crystallized immortality!
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Personality is the glitter that sends your little gleam across the footlights and the orchestra pit into that big black space where the audience is.
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I enjoyed the courtroom as just another stage but not so amusing as Broadway.
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When you get the personality, you don't need the nudity.
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The censors wouldn't even let me sit on a guy's lap, and I've been on more laps than a table-napkin.
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Dates in Calendar are Closer Than They Appear! Time is what keeps everything from happening at once. Keep a diary, and someday it'll keep you.
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Sometimes I don't drink so the next day I can remember having fun.
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