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I remember the lights turning into blurs of blazing fire. I remember the air-conditioning chilling my arms. The smell of coffee smudging into the smell of eucalyptus.
Lucy Christopher
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Lucy Christopher
Age: 54
Author
Writer
WAL
Coffee
Blurs
Smell
Chilling
Air
Blazing
Arms
Blur
Fire
Conditioning
Light
Chill
Remember
Lights
Turning
Eucalyptus
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If there'd been an astronaut on the moon right then, I'm sure I could have seen him. Perhaps he could have looked down and seen me too... the only one who could.
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It was so big, that view. I’ll never remember it properly. How can anyone remember something that big? I don’t think people’s brains are designed for memories like that. They’re designed for things like phone numbers, or the color of someone’s hair. Not hugeness.
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I want you to see that the person I glimpsed running beside the camel, running to save my life, is the person you can choose to be.
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When the darkness gets easier, you know you're sinking deeper, becoming dead yourself.
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I love you, you said, simple as anything.
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The deep blue of your eyes had secrets. I wanted them.
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I didn’t look back, but I knew you were still watching. It probably sounds weird, but I could just feel it. The hairs on my neck bristled when you blinked.
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Your beautiful mouth was moving like a caterpillar. I reached out and tried to catch it.
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I thought you wanted to catch a camel, you tried again. No. I want to. Well, you go then. You laughed. I want your beautiful face where I can see it
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It was like I’d stepped out into an afterlife. Only there were no angels.
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And it's hard to hate someone once you understand them.
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The land wants you here. I want you here, you called. Don't you care about that at all?
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You smiled then, and your whole face changed with it. It kind of lit up, like there were sunbeams coming from inside you.
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I chased money, pretended to be someone else to get it. It got easier the longer I did it... but that's the trap, see? When the deadness gets easier, you know you're sinking deeper, becoming dead yourself.
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Far, far away something made a single ghostly howl, like a banshee in the dark.
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Those blue, blue eyes, icy blue, looking back at me as if I could warm them up. They’re pretty powerful, you know, those eyes, pretty beautiful, too.
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The sand stretched out gray and ghostlike and illuminated, a column of light leading forward. It was like something a dead person would see, a tunnel leading toward heaven.
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I mean, that star over there is blinking at me madly now, but for how long? An hour or two, or for the next million years? And how long will we sit here like this? Just another moment, or the rest of our lives? You know which one I'd prefer.
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Had you been lying all along? Mum gently stroked my hair. I whispered into her shoulder. “I can’t go back. Not yet. I can’t leave.” And she held my head tight to her chest and wrapped her arms around me. “You don’t have to,” she said, rocking me. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do, not anymore.” And I cried.
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How would she find her herd? How would she find you?
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