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This is the first day of the rest of my life. So why is my hair sticking up like a cockerel?

Louise Rennison

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Louise Rennison
Age: 64 †
Born: 1951
Born: November 11
Died: 2016
Died: February 29
Author
Comedian
Journalist
Writer
Sticking
Hair
Rest
Firsts
First
Life
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More quotes by Louise Rennison

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I‘ve said it once and I will say it again, why can‘t everyone just speak English? The Americans give it a bit of a go — why can‘t other nations?
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I am looking at you and you are looking at me. This is very good. I am looking and I am liking. You are looking and you are thinking, 'I hope she doesn't hit me with her crop.' But that is because I am me and you are you.
Louise Rennison
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How many times do we all have to do this? Get up, go to school, again? Before everyone admits it's a crap idea?
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When Mutti and Vati came in I didn't speak to them. I just unfurled the CAT MOLESTERS banner I had made.
Louise Rennison
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And that's when it fell off in my hand
Louise Rennison
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Here is another marvy glimpse into the gothic basement that I call my mind.
Louise Rennison
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When uncle Eddie does his impression of 'Like a Virgin' it's like Madonna is coming out of his body!' Christ what an image.
Louise Rennison
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He had everything a dream boy should have. Back, front, sides, Everything. A head.
Louise Rennison
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I couldn't believe it. It was unbelievable, that's why. My face was like a frozen fish finger. All rigid and pale. (But obviously not with breadcrumbs on it.)
Louise Rennison
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Tom is back on a flight at 6:15 P.M. That is 6:15. Do you get it? Not 6:00 P.M. but 6:15 P.M. And do you know how many minutes that is? I do. I have also become a Time Lord.
Louise Rennison
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I wanted to kill her and make her eat her fringe. And her knickers.
Louise Rennison
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How do you make yourself not like someone?
Louise Rennison
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Rosie get off your desk, and please put your beard away.
Louise Rennison
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What is that song they are singing Is it an old Yorkshire ditty you know like that 'On Ilkley Moor Bar T'at' Ruby said Nah it's a football song. It goes 'We hate Chelsea we hate Chelsea we are the Chelsea haters.
Louise Rennison
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Watching TV mum said, Do you miss your dad? And I said, Who?
Louise Rennison
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The tannoy is crackling but I can only hear heavy breathing and snuffling. ... Uh-oh, the tannoy is crackling again. Sorry about that, ladies and gentlemen, I momentarily lost hold of my pie.
Louise Rennison
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...Then it said on the news, And tonight the Prime Minister has just got to Number Ten. I looked down at Jas and said, Ooer. Meaning he'd got to number ten on the snogging scale. And then we both laughed like loons. Vati just looked at us like we were mad.
Louise Rennison
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Cor, love a duck. And also Lawks-a-mercy. I said that inwardly, but outwardly I said, Blimey, and also, what larks.
Louise Rennison
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Jas, you are three hundred miles away. You would have to have nunga-nungas the size of France for Jock to be able to rest his hand on them.
Louise Rennison
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Your soul shines through even if you haven't got mascara on
Louise Rennison