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Dance of the Sugar Plum Bikey. Yes, that's got a nice ring to it.

Louise Rennison

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Louise Rennison
Age: 64 †
Born: 1951
Born: November 11
Died: 2016
Died: February 29
Author
Comedian
Journalist
Writer
Plum
Plums
Ring
Sugar
Rings
Dance
Nice

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I will not have him in my brainthere is no room for anyone else in the cakeshop of agony. it's crowded enough in there already.
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Watching TV mum said, Do you miss your dad? And I said, Who?
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I am exhausted by trying to get along with the Lord.
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How many times do we all have to do this? Get up, go to school, again? Before everyone admits it's a crap idea?
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Oh no. I've just accidently paid a visit to the cakeshop of love. I haven't put back my Italian cakey, but I have accidentally picked up a Dave the Tart.
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As I have often said, she has two styles of acting: with or without the beard.
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The tannoy is crackling but I can only hear heavy breathing and snuffling. ... Uh-oh, the tannoy is crackling again. Sorry about that, ladies and gentlemen, I momentarily lost hold of my pie.
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At that point Ms Fox came in and said, Hello, carry on as if I am not here. Then she lay down on the floor.
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Its okay I'm wearing really big knickers.
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He came over and ruffled my hair, which is technically assault. I could get on the blower to ChildLine.
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Unbelievable! I said, What would I be doing walking the streets at night as a stuffed olive- gate-crashing cocktail parties?
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There he is, tall, tanned, Italian, sophisticated. So what do you do? I said, Er, leap on him and snog him within an inch of his life? Taking care not to strangle myself on his false beard, or disturb his banana.
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The fly in her argument is that when she says, 'they' will feel like lemons, we don't know who 'they' are. And 'they' might BE lemons.
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And that's when it fell off in my hand
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He has a song in his heart for me. I hope it is not Shut Uppa You Face, Whatsa Matta You.
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I think 'growing up' would mean that you are incredibly tolerant and easygoing, liked everything, curious about the world because you weren't so egotistically driven.
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I wanted to kill her and make her eat her fringe. And her knickers.
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Cor, love a duck. And also Lawks-a-mercy. I said that inwardly, but outwardly I said, Blimey, and also, what larks.
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I put my arm around her and said, Jas, I have found that when you are troubled, it is often better to think of others rather than yourself. I think you would feel much better if you got me some milky coffee and jammy dodgers and I told you all about me.
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This is the first day of the rest of my life. So why is my hair sticking up like a cockerel?
Louise Rennison