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I don't know what's going on with Mum and Dad, but it's weird. Mum keeps asking Dad to do things and he keeps doing them Unfotunately, she hasn't said 'Hand over your money and make your way to Europe!
Louise Rennison
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Louise Rennison
Age: 64 †
Born: 1951
Born: November 11
Died: 2016
Died: February 29
Author
Comedian
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Asking
Europe
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Money
Mum
More quotes by Louise Rennison
Watching TV mum said, Do you miss your dad? And I said, Who?
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As I have often said, she has two styles of acting: with or without the beard.
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If you fall down those stairs and break both of your legs, don't come running to me!
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P.P.S. I am giving you telepathic hugs. P.P.P.S. But not in a telepathically lezzie way.
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Mr. Darcy was in Pride and Prejudice and at first he was all snooty and huffy then he fell in a lake and came out with his shirt all wet. And then we all loved him. In a swoony way.
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I couldn't believe it. It was unbelievable, that's why. My face was like a frozen fish finger. All rigid and pale. (But obviously not with breadcrumbs on it.)
Louise Rennison
He came over and ruffled my hair, which is technically assault. I could get on the blower to ChildLine.
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How do you make yourself not like someone?
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The tannoy is crackling but I can only hear heavy breathing and snuffling. ... Uh-oh, the tannoy is crackling again. Sorry about that, ladies and gentlemen, I momentarily lost hold of my pie.
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...Then it said on the news, And tonight the Prime Minister has just got to Number Ten. I looked down at Jas and said, Ooer. Meaning he'd got to number ten on the snogging scale. And then we both laughed like loons. Vati just looked at us like we were mad.
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When uncle Eddie does his impression of 'Like a Virgin' it's like Madonna is coming out of his body!' Christ what an image.
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I could have quite literally snogged until the cows came home. And when they came home I would have shouted, WHAT HAVE YOU COWS COME HOME FOR? CAN'T YOU SEE I'M SNOGGING, YOU STUPID HERBIVORES???
Louise Rennison
And that's when it fell off in my hand
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Out on the moors, The lonely moors, I roll around in sheep poo. Heathcliff, it's youuuuu, I hate you, I love you tooooo. Let me in, I'm here, it's meeeee, Catheeeeeeee. Look out of your windooooow.
Louise Rennison
I am exhausted by trying to get along with the Lord.
Louise Rennison
Dance of the Sugar Plum Bikey. Yes, that's got a nice ring to it.
Louise Rennison
Dad has brought me a cup of tea in bed this morning! I said, 'Vati, why are you waking me up in the middle of the night? Are you on fire?
Louise Rennison
Honestly, what planet do these people live on? And why isn't it farther away?
Louise Rennison
What is that song they are singing Is it an old Yorkshire ditty you know like that 'On Ilkley Moor Bar T'at' Ruby said Nah it's a football song. It goes 'We hate Chelsea we hate Chelsea we are the Chelsea haters.
Louise Rennison
Rosie get off your desk, and please put your beard away.
Louise Rennison
