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Jas, you are three hundred miles away. You would have to have nunga-nungas the size of France for Jock to be able to rest his hand on them.

Louise Rennison

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Louise Rennison
Age: 64 †
Born: 1951
Born: November 11
Died: 2016
Died: February 29
Author
Comedian
Journalist
Writer
Would
Size
Hundred
Rest
Hand
Away
Jock
Three
Jocks
Hands
France
Able
Miles

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This is the first day of the rest of my life. So why is my hair sticking up like a cockerel?
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I couldn't believe it. It was unbelievable, that's why. My face was like a frozen fish finger. All rigid and pale. (But obviously not with breadcrumbs on it.)
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This soft grass suggests 'softness' to me, but also at the same time 'lying-down-ness'.
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He has a song in his heart for me. I hope it is not Shut Uppa You Face, Whatsa Matta You.
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Out on the moors, The lonely moors, I roll around in sheep poo. Heathcliff, it's youuuuu, I hate you, I love you tooooo. Let me in, I'm here, it's meeeee, Catheeeeeeee. Look out of your windooooow.
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Vaisey looked like a startled earwig.
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Maybe he overreacted a bit. - A bit? That's like Hitler saying, 'Oooh, I just meant to go for a little walk, but then I accidentally invaded Poland.
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I will not have him in my brainthere is no room for anyone else in the cakeshop of agony. it's crowded enough in there already.
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He had everything a dream boy should have. Back, front, sides, Everything. A head.
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If you fall down those stairs and break both of your legs, don't come running to me!
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Here is another marvy glimpse into the gothic basement that I call my mind.
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I am exhausted by trying to get along with the Lord.
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Rosie get off your desk, and please put your beard away.
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I don't know what's going on with Mum and Dad, but it's weird. Mum keeps asking Dad to do things and he keeps doing them Unfotunately, she hasn't said 'Hand over your money and make your way to Europe!
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You are not ashamed of our luuurve, are you, Jas?' 'Look, shut up, people might hear.' 'What do you mean, the people who live in the telephone?
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I don't want to be rude to the afflicted but Uncle Eddie is bald in a way which is the baldest I have ever seen.
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There he is, tall, tanned, Italian, sophisticated. So what do you do? I said, Er, leap on him and snog him within an inch of his life? Taking care not to strangle myself on his false beard, or disturb his banana.
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As I have often said, she has two styles of acting: with or without the beard.
Louise Rennison
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Cor, love a duck. And also Lawks-a-mercy. I said that inwardly, but outwardly I said, Blimey, and also, what larks.
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I could have quite literally snogged until the cows came home. And when they came home I would have shouted, WHAT HAVE YOU COWS COME HOME FOR? CAN'T YOU SEE I'M SNOGGING, YOU STUPID HERBIVORES???
Louise Rennison