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You can do eight things. We got it down to eight for you.

Louis C. K.

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Louis C. K.
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: September 12
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Comedian
Dancer
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Showrunner
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Tecamac Municipality
Louis Székely
Louis CK
Louis Szekely
Eight
Things

More quotes by Louis C. K.

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Every day starts, my eyes open and I reload the program of misery. I open my eyes, remember who I am, what I'm like, and I just go, 'Ugh'.
Louis C. K.
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All talking is good, negative and positive. Stabbing is bad talking is good.
Louis C. K.
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I know I'm getting old because there will be times when I'm not even doing anything and I'll think, 'I need to go wipe my ass right now.'
Louis C. K.
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You can't direct without a good crew.
Louis C. K.
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When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don't get to decide that you didn't.
Louis C. K.
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I've had soccer moms come up and tell me they can relate when I say that I want to throw my baby in the trash.
Louis C. K.
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I am really tired of looking at my hips. I'm seriously really tired of standing naked in the mirror and staring at my hips for hours and hours while muttering, You hips. You hips need to get it together.
Louis C. K.
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Most Americans have so much crap, that you could lose most of it and still have way more stuff than the average Canadian.
Louis C. K.
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There's a reason it's called 'girls gone wild' and not 'women gone wild'. When girls go wild, they show their tits. When women go wild, they kill men and drown their kids in a tub.
Louis C. K.
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If you're a cartoon character or most TV characters, sure, you'll fight, because the punches are juicy-sounding and they don't leave marks. But in real life, if somebody punches you in the eye, it doesn't make any noise and your eye is swollen for, like, six months. It's a nightmare to get punched in the eye.
Louis C. K.
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I look around, pretty much 100% of the people driving are texting. And they're killing, everybody's murdering each other with their cars. But people are willing to risk taking a life and ruining their own because they don't want to be alone for a second because it's so hard.
Louis C. K.
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There's no real preparing at home for stand-up. You just go and you just do it.
Louis C. K.
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I would rather be with my kids than anybody else.
Louis C. K.
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The only time you should look in your neighbor's bowl is to make sure that they have enough. You don't look in your neighbor's bowl to see if you have as much as them.
Louis C. K.
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What we've done with our modern food supply is absolute insanity. It's not even real any more. You used to be able to give a kid an apple and they would love it. Kids can't even taste apples any more. Apples taste like paper to kids now.
Louis C. K.
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People don't talk to me on airplanes.
Louis C. K.
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A lot of TV is put together by teams, by writing staffs and several different directors. It's a great, very smart way to make television. It's worked for however long TV's been around.
Louis C. K.
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I do have very deep, fond memories of my family in Mexico City, but I also remember feeling funny for not speaking English - I was basically an immigrant. But I picked up the language fast and soon I knew that I wanted to be a writer.
Louis C. K.
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I finally have the body I want. It’s easy, actually, you just have to want a really shitty body.
Louis C. K.
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If I do something for my kids, I get a medal, because most fathers don't.
Louis C. K.