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If you had a jetpack you'd be like I have the shittiest jetpack. Who's your service provider on your jetpack? Did they make the new one? I hate this thing.
Louis C. K.
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Louis C. K.
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: September 12
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Comedian
Dancer
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Showrunner
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Tecamac Municipality
Louis Székely
Louis CK
Louis Szekely
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More quotes by Louis C. K.
Every day starts, my eyes open and I reload the program of misery. I open my eyes, remember who I am, what I'm like, and I just go, 'Ugh'.
Louis C. K.
A lot of stand-up specials for cable are meant to glorify the comedian. They put you in a really beautiful theater, and sometimes they even blow a little smoke in there to make it misty and sweet. They make the guy look like he's a big rock star. But comedy's not really glamorous. It doesn't enhance comedy for it to look good.
Louis C. K.
There's been a lot of simple vilification of right-wing people. It's really easy to say, 'Well, you're Christian, you're anti-this and that, and I hate you.' But to me, it's more interesting to say, 'What is this person like and how do they really think?'
Louis C. K.
I would rather be with my kids than anybody else.
Louis C. K.
Comedians and Feminists... are natural enemies, because stereotypically-speaking, feminists can't take a joke and... comedians can't take criticism.
Louis C. K.
Everybody is different. Some comedy is more musical like Steven Wright. His is a pillar of comedy to me. He invented a whole form and all his jokes are poems. So it's different. I wanted to do it like George Carlin. Now I do it like me.
Louis C. K.
Being popular with an audience is a very rickety ladder to be on.
Louis C. K.
I'm not raising the children, I'm raising the grown ups that they're going to be.
Louis C. K.
Most Americans have so much crap, that you could lose most of it and still have way more stuff than the average Canadian.
Louis C. K.
...Then I got divorced and everything changed, and I became a father in a whole new way and found a whole new set of difficulties.
Louis C. K.
It's more fun to experience things when you don't know what's going to happen.
Louis C. K.
I was in a hotel room in Dallas, and I was jerking off so much and so sadly and pathetically, that the phone rang, and I thought it's them, they're complaining. ... Sir, could you please stop?
Louis C. K.
Stand-up is probably the most solo performance in art.
Louis C. K.
When you have bacon in your mouth, it doesn't matter who's president.
Louis C. K.
I'm bored' is a useless thing to say. You live in a great, big, vast world that you've seen none percent of.
Louis C. K.
Everything is amazing and nobody is happy
Louis C. K.
The only pitch I have to movie people is the same as this one: Just give me $8 million. I'm not telling you what it's about and I'm not telling you who's in it.
Louis C. K.
I've learned from experience that if you work harder at it, and apply more energy and time to it, and more consistency, you get a better result. It comes from the work.
Louis C. K.
When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don't get to decide that you didn't.
Louis C. K.
I was a nerd growing up, and I'm a little antisocial and awkward.
Louis C. K.
