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If you had a jetpack you'd be like I have the shittiest jetpack. Who's your service provider on your jetpack? Did they make the new one? I hate this thing.
Louis C. K.
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Louis C. K.
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: September 12
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Comedian
Dancer
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Showrunner
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Tecamac Municipality
Louis Székely
Louis CK
Louis Szekely
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Providers
Service
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More quotes by Louis C. K.
There's a reason it's called 'girls gone wild' and not 'women gone wild'. When girls go wild, they show their tits. When women go wild, they kill men and drown their kids in a tub.
Louis C. K.
I'm not raising the children, I'm raising the grown ups that they're going to be.
Louis C. K.
Life's too short to be an asshole, as an employer or as an employee.
Louis C. K.
You're a tourist in sexual perversion. I'm a prisoner there.
Louis C. K.
The ability to just sit there. That's being a person.
Louis C. K.
I know I'm getting old because there will be times when I'm not even doing anything and I'll think, 'I need to go wipe my ass right now.'
Louis C. K.
Sadness is poetic. You're lucky to live sad moments. When you let yourself be sad, your body has antibodies. It has happiness that comes rushing in to meet the sadness.
Louis C. K.
If you're a woman and a guy's ever said anything romantic to you, he just left off the second part that would have made you sick if you could have heard it.
Louis C. K.
When two kids are being completely berserk, and they're naked and throwing food around, sometimes I just let it go because I can see a future where they're going to be dressed, and they're going to be at school. So I kind of let stuff go sometimes.
Louis C. K.
People don't talk to me on airplanes.
Louis C. K.
I do actually use a boxing trainer when I train for stand-up.
Louis C. K.
It's a positive thing to talk about terrible things and make people laugh about them.
Louis C. K.
Everything that's difficult you should be able to laugh about.
Louis C. K.
My show is sort of a short-film anthology, and I'm able to tell little stories that don't necessarily carry a whole episode in terms of narrative. I like the audience not being sure what they're getting. I think it's more fun to watch something when you're discovering it as you go along.
Louis C. K.
Human kindness has no reward. You should give to others in every way you see. expect absolutely nothing from anyone. It should be your goal to love every human you encounter. All human suffering that you're aware of and continues without your effort to stop it becomes your crime.
Louis C. K.
If you can survive disappointment, nothing can beat you
Louis C. K.
I love stand-up more than anything, and I'm so happy to have found a way to use it in the show.
Louis C. K.
In 27 years doing this, I've seen a handful of truly great, masterful standup sets. One was Tig Notaro last night at Largo.
Louis C. K.
A very painful part of being a parent is having really negative feelings about your children when you love them so much.
Louis C. K.
I watch a lot of sports. But when I'm not working, I'm with my daughters every chance I get.
Louis C. K.
