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I have a lot of beliefs... and I live by none of them...
Louis C. K.
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Louis C. K.
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: September 12
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Comedian
Dancer
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Showrunner
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Tecamac Municipality
Louis Székely
Louis CK
Louis Szekely
Beliefs
None
Belief
Live
More quotes by Louis C. K.
If I owned a network, I would never let a guy just put people on without telling me who they are.
Louis C. K.
The only road to doing good shows, is doing bad shows.
Louis C. K.
There's nowhere I won't go. As long as it's horribly, horribly true and/or wrong.
Louis C. K.
God is like a shitty girlfriend.
Louis C. K.
I've tried to do away with lying in my life in the last few years, but it's hard.
Louis C. K.
When two kids are being completely berserk, and they're naked and throwing food around, sometimes I just let it go because I can see a future where they're going to be dressed, and they're going to be at school. So I kind of let stuff go sometimes.
Louis C. K.
The part that's difficult is being single, at 41, after 10 years of marriage and two kids. That's like having a bunch of money in a currency of a country that doesn't exist anymore.
Louis C. K.
Spend time with your kids and have your own ideas about what they need. It won't take away your manhood it will give it to you.
Louis C. K.
Everything that's difficult you should be able to laugh about.
Louis C. K.
Breaking records is not something you expect to be doing. That's like a sports thing, it's not usually a comedy and writing thing.
Louis C. K.
A lot of stand-up specials for cable are meant to glorify the comedian. They put you in a really beautiful theater, and sometimes they even blow a little smoke in there to make it misty and sweet. They make the guy look like he's a big rock star. But comedy's not really glamorous. It doesn't enhance comedy for it to look good.
Louis C. K.
A household name is like ketchup. Everybody wants ketchup. Ketchup doesn't hurt anybody.
Louis C. K.
I spend enough time onscreen looking hangdog and depressed.
Louis C. K.
You would never do stand-up without an audience. I mean, no one would even consider it. It's like they're the instrument you're playing.
Louis C. K.
A lot of TV is put together by teams, by writing staffs and several different directors. It's a great, very smart way to make television. It's worked for however long TV's been around.
Louis C. K.
You could drive a rental car until you don't want it. Just get out of it while it's moving and just walk away. No, I don't feel like being in that car any longer. Just call Hertz. Hi, your car is drifting into the intersection of 28th and Broadway, if you're interested. It's now your problem.
Louis C. K.
I'd love to have a shitty job. I couldn't hold any down. Standup was the only thing I could stick with. I'm an idiot that way.
Louis C. K.
I remember the day I saw my hair was thinning. I don't remember caring much. I don't care. It's just hair. It never bothered me much. I was pretty young, too. And it happened and is happening very slowly. I have a feeling dead people get really mad when we complain about losing hair.
Louis C. K.
There are people that really live by doing the right thing, but I don't know what that is, I'm really curious about that. I'm really curious about what people think they're doing when they're doing something evil, casually. I think it's really interesting, that we benefit from suffering so much, and we excuse ourselves from it.
Louis C. K.
Stand-up is probably the most solo performance in art.
Louis C. K.