Quote

I don't have a gun, but if I did, I would shoot a baby deer in the mouth and feel nothing.

Louis C. K.

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Louis C. K.
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: September 12
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Comedian
Dancer
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Showrunner
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Tecamac Municipality
Louis Székely
Louis CK
Louis Szekely
Would
Mouth
Mouths
Baby
Comedy
Funny
Nothing
Deer
Feel
Shoot
Feels
Gun

More quotes by Louis C. K.

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When you have bacon in your mouth, it doesn't matter who's president.
Louis C. K.
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When my kids were younger, I used to avoid them. I used to sit on the toilet 'til my legs fell asleep. You want to know why your father spends so long in the toilet? Because he's not sure he wants to be a father.
Louis C. K.
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People don't talk to me on airplanes.
Louis C. K.
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I know I'm getting old because there will be times when I'm not even doing anything and I'll think, 'I need to go wipe my ass right now.'
Louis C. K.
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It's more fun to experience things when you don't know what's going to happen.
Louis C. K.
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Comedy isn't polite and it isn't correct and it isn't accurate, even. It's just a mess. So that's the way that I approach it.
Louis C. K.
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You know when you see a mother someplace just melting down on her kid? She's like, 'Shut up, I hate you, you're ugly!'... Any parents there are thinking, 'What did that shitty kid do to that poor woman? That poor woman. I wish I could help.'
Louis C. K.
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I do feel a lot of times like I'm out of my league with my kids in terms of what my responsibility is.
Louis C. K.
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There are people that really live by doing the right thing, but I don't know what that is, I'm really curious about that. I'm really curious about what people think they're doing when they're doing something evil, casually. I think it's really interesting, that we benefit from suffering so much, and we excuse ourselves from it.
Louis C. K.
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God is like a shitty girlfriend.
Louis C. K.
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The only pitch I have to movie people is the same as this one: Just give me $8 million. I'm not telling you what it's about and I'm not telling you who's in it.
Louis C. K.
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Rob McElhenney who runs 'It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.' That show absolutely kills me and I am stunned by the consistency of greatness it has maintained over what is now a record breaking amount of seasons ... How do you do that for so many years? My 14-year-old daughter and I watch it together and we both laugh crazy hard.
Louis C. K.
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I've had soccer moms come up and tell me they can relate when I say that I want to throw my baby in the trash.
Louis C. K.
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Anytime you see a bit where some stranger does something to me, it's me.
Louis C. K.
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The Jackass movies are honestly some of the best movies I've ever seen. I laugh so hard at them. Those guys are geniuses. If they had grown up with a different group of people, they could've been performance artists at Bard College, and people would be writing papers about them.
Louis C. K.
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I found out that I'm a pretty bad father. I make a lot of mistakes and I don't know what I'm doing. But my kids love me. Go figure.
Louis C. K.
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There's no real preparing at home for stand-up. You just go and you just do it.
Louis C. K.
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I could never sit down and write jokes.
Louis C. K.
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Stand-up is probably the most solo performance in art.
Louis C. K.
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I'd love to have a shitty job. I couldn't hold any down. Standup was the only thing I could stick with. I'm an idiot that way.
Louis C. K.