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When you have bacon in your mouth, it doesn't matter who's president.
Louis C. K.
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Louis C. K.
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: September 12
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Comedian
Dancer
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Showrunner
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Tecamac Municipality
Louis Székely
Louis CK
Louis Szekely
Mouths
President
Doesn
Matter
Bacon
Mouth
More quotes by Louis C. K.
Kids are like buckets of disease that live in your house.
Louis C. K.
I found out that I'm a pretty bad father. I make a lot of mistakes and I don't know what I'm doing. But my kids love me. Go figure.
Louis C. K.
Out of the people that ever were, almost all of them are dead. There are way more dead people, and you're all gonna die and then you're gonna be dead for way longer than you're alive. Like that's mostly what you're ever gonna be. You're just dead people that didn't die yet.
Louis C. K.
You can figure out how bad a person you are by how soon after September 11th you masturbated, like how long you waited... and for me it was between the two buildings going down... I had to do it, otherwise they'd win.
Louis C. K.
It's a positive thing to talk about terrible things and make people laugh about them.
Louis C. K.
A household name is like ketchup. Everybody wants ketchup. Ketchup doesn't hurt anybody.
Louis C. K.
If you're a cartoon character or most TV characters, sure, you'll fight, because the punches are juicy-sounding and they don't leave marks. But in real life, if somebody punches you in the eye, it doesn't make any noise and your eye is swollen for, like, six months. It's a nightmare to get punched in the eye.
Louis C. K.
It's hard to know where your thoughts come from, especially when you have a thirst for material because you need it professionally.
Louis C. K.
I think one reason TV has always done well is because there is something comforting where you kind of know what you're going to be taken through.
Louis C. K.
If I do something for my kids, I get a medal, because most fathers don't.
Louis C. K.
There’s a need to perfect things in a writers’ room, and that can take a lot of fun out of a show sometimes. It’s a struggle. It depends on your personality. Some people love working with a writing staff. I had a great writing staff on Lucky Louie, but it sometimes felt like Congress or something.
Louis C. K.
I never viewed money as being 'my money' I always saw it as 'the money.' It's a resource. If it pools up around me then it needs to be flushed back out into the system.
Louis C. K.
There's nowhere I won't go. As long as it's horribly, horribly true and/or wrong.
Louis C. K.
If I owned a network, I would never let a guy just put people on without telling me who they are.
Louis C. K.
If the whole country had to have the same conversation that was safe for everybody, it would be a pretty awful place to live. There wouldn't be a conversation.
Louis C. K.
If you're a woman and a guy's ever said anything romantic to you, he just left off the second part that would have made you sick if you could have heard it.
Louis C. K.
Stand-up is probably the most solo performance in art.
Louis C. K.
Very few American parents give a crap about how they raise their kids. They put minimal effort into it. Who told you it's a good idea to buy a developing mind a video game?
Louis C. K.
...Then I got divorced and everything changed, and I became a father in a whole new way and found a whole new set of difficulties.
Louis C. K.
I spend enough time onscreen looking hangdog and depressed.
Louis C. K.
