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Kids are like buckets of disease that live in your house.
Louis C. K.
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Louis C. K.
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: September 12
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Comedian
Dancer
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Showrunner
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Tecamac Municipality
Louis Székely
Louis CK
Louis Szekely
Disease
Laughing
House
Kids
Live
Thinking
Like
Buckets
More quotes by Louis C. K.
In 27 years doing this, I've seen a handful of truly great, masterful standup sets. One was Tig Notaro last night at Largo.
Louis C. K.
If the whole country had to have the same conversation that was safe for everybody, it would be a pretty awful place to live. There wouldn't be a conversation.
Louis C. K.
To me, it's very exhilarating when somebody else does a great thing, and it's not me.
Louis C. K.
What we've done with our modern food supply is absolute insanity. It's not even real any more. You used to be able to give a kid an apple and they would love it. Kids can't even taste apples any more. Apples taste like paper to kids now.
Louis C. K.
Spend time with your kids and have your own ideas about what they need. It won't take away your manhood it will give it to you.
Louis C. K.
The problem is, the more famous you get, the more people see you who didn't choose to.
Louis C. K.
I was in a hotel room in Dallas, and I was jerking off so much and so sadly and pathetically, that the phone rang, and I thought it's them, they're complaining. ... Sir, could you please stop?
Louis C. K.
I don't think it makes any sense to try to get anyone to not talk.
Louis C. K.
Young people don't even consider that it's a good idea to be out on the fringe, which is where good ideas come from.
Louis C. K.
I can't just sit on my daughter's bed and just say 'n---' all night and then put her to sleep. I just ain't gonna do that... I told the girls that these boys are racists, and they're not nice boys. But I think we can still enjoy the stories about the fishin' and the tradin'.
Louis C. K.
Comedians and Feminists... are natural enemies, because stereotypically-speaking, feminists can't take a joke and... comedians can't take criticism.
Louis C. K.
I watch a lot of sports. But when I'm not working, I'm with my daughters every chance I get.
Louis C. K.
...Then I got divorced and everything changed, and I became a father in a whole new way and found a whole new set of difficulties.
Louis C. K.
I'm close to my audience. I think I have more tools in my box than other guys who might try it. Also, I know how to do this stuff. I know how to write and shoot and edit. I'm technically adept and that helped with the website. You need a big skill set.
Louis C. K.
Human kindness has no reward. You should give to others in every way you see. expect absolutely nothing from anyone. It should be your goal to love every human you encounter. All human suffering that you're aware of and continues without your effort to stop it becomes your crime.
Louis C. K.
If you have something to say, here's what you do: You write it down on a piece of paper, you go out in the lobby, and then you go home and you kill yourself.
Louis C. K.
Stereotypically speaking feminists can't take a joke. ::audience boo:: See?
Louis C. K.
I don't stop eating when I'm full. The meal isn't over when I'm full. It's over when I hate myself.
Louis C. K.
I'm not motivated to entertain people through Twitter, so just by having Twitter and not saying anything, I make people mad.
Louis C. K.
The Jackass movies are honestly some of the best movies I've ever seen. I laugh so hard at them. Those guys are geniuses. If they had grown up with a different group of people, they could've been performance artists at Bard College, and people would be writing papers about them.
Louis C. K.
