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I finally have the body I want. It’s easy, actually, you just have to want a really shitty body.
Louis C. K.
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Louis C. K.
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: September 12
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Comedian
Dancer
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Showrunner
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Tecamac Municipality
Louis Székely
Louis CK
Louis Szekely
Actually
Easy
Body
Really
Thinking
Shitty
Finally
Laughing
More quotes by Louis C. K.
I love being married. It's great. But I hate arguing. I hate fighting. You know what I do now? When we get in an argument, I just take her side against me. It's just easier it goes quicker. She's like, What's wrong with you? And I'm like, I know! Damn it! Argh!
Louis C. K.
If I do something for my kids, I get a medal, because most fathers don't.
Louis C. K.
Perception is created and twisted so quickly.
Louis C. K.
You know the only thing happier than a three-legged dog? A four-legged dog.
Louis C. K.
I've always got the road. Stand-up makes you so autonomous and self-sufficient that it really helps with that part of show business.
Louis C. K.
There's nowhere I won't go. As long as it's horribly, horribly true and/or wrong.
Louis C. K.
The problem is, the more famous you get, the more people see you who didn't choose to.
Louis C. K.
You have to be aware of who you're talking to in an audience.
Louis C. K.
My ex-wife, she really didn't like the material that I did. And that's something I regret, that I wasn't more careful about making sure that she was O.K. with it. I just sort of didn't ask. So that's how that goes.
Louis C. K.
I'd love to have a shitty job. I couldn't hold any down. Standup was the only thing I could stick with. I'm an idiot that way.
Louis C. K.
Young people don't even consider that it's a good idea to be out on the fringe, which is where good ideas come from.
Louis C. K.
I get mad like anybody else does, but being able to laugh about getting mad is very healthy, and my kids know that.
Louis C. K.
Dating is horrible, it's awful. I don't get it. It's like you're standing there: 'Hi. Do you want to have sex and later wish you hadn't?' It's horrible. And it's awkward at 42 because I don't have the body or the drive. I just sit in the car and hope somebody gets in.
Louis C. K.
You can figure out how bad a person you are by how soon after September 11th you masturbated, like how long you waited... and for me it was between the two buildings going down... I had to do it, otherwise they'd win.
Louis C. K.
The ability to just sit there. That's being a person.
Louis C. K.
Why can't we have racism that's ignorant but nice? You could have stereotypes that are positive about race. You could say, Those Chinese people, they can fly! You know about the Puerto Ricans? They're made of candy!
Louis C. K.
Out of the people that ever were, almost all of them are dead. There are way more dead people, and you're all gonna die and then you're gonna be dead for way longer than you're alive. Like that's mostly what you're ever gonna be. You're just dead people that didn't die yet.
Louis C. K.
When you're a father in a marriage, you sort of become the mother's assistant, and you sort of get a list from her every day, and you do, you know, you run down the list, and it feels very much like a chore.
Louis C. K.
Stand-up is probably the most solo performance in art.
Louis C. K.
Well, I think “likability” is an overused word. I don’t watch people 'cause I like them I watch them because they’re compelling. Sympathetic is a little different... Likable just thins you out. Working to make a character likable is what kills most TV shows.
Louis C. K.