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When you're a father in a marriage, you sort of become the mother's assistant, and you sort of get a list from her every day, and you do, you know, you run down the list, and it feels very much like a chore.

Louis C. K.

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Louis C. K.
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: September 12
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Comedian
Dancer
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Showrunner
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Tecamac Municipality
Louis Székely
Louis CK
Louis Szekely
Feels
Lists
Much
Dad
Every
Marriage
Like
Sort
Chore
Father
Chores
Running
Assistant
Mother
Assistants
Become
List

More quotes by Louis C. K.

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You can figure out how bad a person you are by how soon after September 11th you masturbated, like how long you waited... and for me it was between the two buildings going down... I had to do it, otherwise they'd win.
Louis C. K.
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If you're a cartoon character or most TV characters, sure, you'll fight, because the punches are juicy-sounding and they don't leave marks. But in real life, if somebody punches you in the eye, it doesn't make any noise and your eye is swollen for, like, six months. It's a nightmare to get punched in the eye.
Louis C. K.
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I've always got the road. Stand-up makes you so autonomous and self-sufficient that it really helps with that part of show business.
Louis C. K.
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Everything is amazing and nobody is happy
Louis C. K.
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I do have very deep, fond memories of my family in Mexico City, but I also remember feeling funny for not speaking English - I was basically an immigrant. But I picked up the language fast and soon I knew that I wanted to be a writer.
Louis C. K.
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I like being full, every day, with stuff that I have to do.
Louis C. K.
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In 27 years doing this, I've seen a handful of truly great, masterful standup sets. One was Tig Notaro last night at Largo.
Louis C. K.
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If you have something to say, here's what you do: You write it down on a piece of paper, you go out in the lobby, and then you go home and you kill yourself.
Louis C. K.
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You would never do stand-up without an audience. I mean, no one would even consider it. It's like they're the instrument you're playing.
Louis C. K.
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I have a crazy amount of different jobs, so the way I manage that is to not do more than one at a time. It's like old computers that had small memory chips, they would do something called swapping, where they would fill the memory with one task, do it and get it out.
Louis C. K.
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When I was first divorced, I started dating younger women, and it was really exciting. But after a while I was like, 'This is just dumb.'
Louis C. K.
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I found out that I'm a pretty bad father. I make a lot of mistakes and I don't know what I'm doing. But my kids love me. Go figure.
Louis C. K.
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Performing comedy, you develop a rhythm of ideas and laughs. I live for it.
Louis C. K.
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If the whole country had to have the same conversation that was safe for everybody, it would be a pretty awful place to live. There wouldn't be a conversation.
Louis C. K.
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It's more fun to experience things when you don't know what's going to happen.
Louis C. K.
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I'm not sure why I'm so often disgusting on stage. I don't always know where it comes from.
Louis C. K.
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I'm not raising the children, I'm raising the grown ups that they're going to be.
Louis C. K.
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Everything that's difficult you should be able to laugh about.
Louis C. K.
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If I owned a network, I would never let a guy just put people on without telling me who they are.
Louis C. K.
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I have a lot of beliefs, and I live by none of them - that's just the way I am they make me feel good about who I am.
Louis C. K.