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I don't need anyone. Because I can do every single thing that a person in a relationship can. Everything. Even zip up my own dress. You know, there are some things that are actually harder to do with two people. Such as monologues.
LIZ
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More quotes by LIZ
God, three weddings in one day, I'm going to be in Spanx for 12 hours. My elastic line is gonna get infected again.
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My mom used to send me articles about how older virgins are considered good luck in Mexico.
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I don't like writing in front of a lot of people, it has to be an intimate experience with people I trust.
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Now I'm heading home for a nooner, which is what I call having pancakes for lunch.
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Who's got two thumbs, speaks limited French and hasn't cried once today? This moi.
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If reality TV has taught us anything, it's that you can't keep people with no shame down.
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You can try to change New York, but it's like Jay-Z says: Concrete bunghole where dreams are made up, there's nothing you can do.
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Who hasn't made mistakes? I once french kissed a dog at a party to try to impress what turned out to be a very tall 12 year old.
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Can I share with you my worldview? All of humankind has one thing in common: the sandwich. I believe that all anyone really wants in this life is to sit in peace and eat a sandwich.
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It's never fun to break someone's heart, that's so sad.
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My heart's pounding like I'm watching Oprah's farewell season.
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When stuff is coming to an end, people freak out and they act crazy.
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You can do some serious subway flirting before you realize the guy is homeless.
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Can't one human being not like another human being? Can't we all just not get along?
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Lizzing is a combination of laughing and whizzing.
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I was inspired by a question that kept repeating itself in my mind: Could I really change my life? I'd spent so many days, weeks, months, and years thinking about doing things with my life, and now I wanted to know, if I committed to a goal and woke up every single day working hard at it, could I change my life?
LIZ
Instead, what I was beginning to understand was that however things unfolded from here on, whatever the next chapter was, my life could never be the sum of one circumstance. It would be determined, as it had always been, by my willingness to put one foot in front of the other, moving forward, come what may.
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I've been writing for myself since I was a teenager - I got into top-lining for some other artists/producers, but the focus was always on my own stuff.
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All around us, people were cool. By association, so were we.
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I'm 37, please don't make me go to Brooklyn.
LIZ
