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I already have a drink. Do you think he'd buy me mozzarella sticks?
LIZ
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I don't like writing in front of a lot of people, it has to be an intimate experience with people I trust.
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Who's got two thumbs, speaks limited French and hasn't cried once today? This moi.
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I was inspired by a question that kept repeating itself in my mind: Could I really change my life? I'd spent so many days, weeks, months, and years thinking about doing things with my life, and now I wanted to know, if I committed to a goal and woke up every single day working hard at it, could I change my life?
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My mom used to send me articles about how older virgins are considered good luck in Mexico.
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Whatever the tiny bubbles sitting beautifully on the surface of the absolutely delicious-looking skin around his forehead and neck were, they were doing a lot for his overall appearance...and for my heart rate.
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Who hasn't made mistakes? I once french kissed a dog at a party to try to impress what turned out to be a very tall 12 year old.
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I only work with a couple of co-writers who I'm really close with, so they always know what's going on in my life and we talk about things openly, they know every song is true to something that I'm either going through or have gone through before.
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We have a show tonight. I've never missed a show. Not even the time I had that virus they kept saying only raccoons get.
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If reality TV has taught us anything, it's that you can't keep people with no shame down.
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Can I share with you my worldview? All of humankind has one thing in common: the sandwich. I believe that all anyone really wants in this life is to sit in peace and eat a sandwich.
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You can try to change New York, but it's like Jay-Z says: Concrete bunghole where dreams are made up, there's nothing you can do.
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Lizzing is a combination of laughing and whizzing.
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God, three weddings in one day, I'm going to be in Spanx for 12 hours. My elastic line is gonna get infected again.
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If you're ordering me an edible arrangement to say thanks, I'd prefer a meat one.
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I'm 37, please don't make me go to Brooklyn.
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Now I'm heading home for a nooner, which is what I call having pancakes for lunch.
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Instead, what I was beginning to understand was that however things unfolded from here on, whatever the next chapter was, my life could never be the sum of one circumstance. It would be determined, as it had always been, by my willingness to put one foot in front of the other, moving forward, come what may.
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It's never fun to break someone's heart, that's so sad.
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My heart's pounding like I'm watching Oprah's farewell season.
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