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I already have a drink. Do you think he'd buy me mozzarella sticks?
LIZ
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LIZ
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More quotes by LIZ
All around us, people were cool. By association, so were we.
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Whatever the tiny bubbles sitting beautifully on the surface of the absolutely delicious-looking skin around his forehead and neck were, they were doing a lot for his overall appearance...and for my heart rate.
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When stuff is coming to an end, people freak out and they act crazy.
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We have a show tonight. I've never missed a show. Not even the time I had that virus they kept saying only raccoons get.
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Can I share with you my worldview? All of humankind has one thing in common: the sandwich. I believe that all anyone really wants in this life is to sit in peace and eat a sandwich.
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You can try to change New York, but it's like Jay-Z says: Concrete bunghole where dreams are made up, there's nothing you can do.
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I was inspired by a question that kept repeating itself in my mind: Could I really change my life? I'd spent so many days, weeks, months, and years thinking about doing things with my life, and now I wanted to know, if I committed to a goal and woke up every single day working hard at it, could I change my life?
LIZ
I don't need anyone. Because I can do every single thing that a person in a relationship can. Everything. Even zip up my own dress. You know, there are some things that are actually harder to do with two people. Such as monologues.
LIZ
Can't one human being not like another human being? Can't we all just not get along?
LIZ
God, three weddings in one day, I'm going to be in Spanx for 12 hours. My elastic line is gonna get infected again.
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I only work with a couple of co-writers who I'm really close with, so they always know what's going on in my life and we talk about things openly, they know every song is true to something that I'm either going through or have gone through before.
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You didn't realize emotion could be a weapon? Have you not read the poetry of Jewel?
LIZ
After all, isn't that what really draws the line between childhood and adulthood, knowing that you are solely responsible for yourself? If so, then my childhood ended at fifteen.
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Who hasn't made mistakes? I once french kissed a dog at a party to try to impress what turned out to be a very tall 12 year old.
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My mom used to send me articles about how older virgins are considered good luck in Mexico.
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I'm 37, please don't make me go to Brooklyn.
LIZ
If reality TV has taught us anything, it's that you can't keep people with no shame down.
LIZ
My heart's pounding like I'm watching Oprah's farewell season.
LIZ
Instead, what I was beginning to understand was that however things unfolded from here on, whatever the next chapter was, my life could never be the sum of one circumstance. It would be determined, as it had always been, by my willingness to put one foot in front of the other, moving forward, come what may.
LIZ
Now I'm heading home for a nooner, which is what I call having pancakes for lunch.
LIZ
