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If you're ordering me an edible arrangement to say thanks, I'd prefer a meat one.
LIZ
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LIZ
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More quotes by LIZ
We have a show tonight. I've never missed a show. Not even the time I had that virus they kept saying only raccoons get.
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It's never fun to break someone's heart, that's so sad.
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Whatever the tiny bubbles sitting beautifully on the surface of the absolutely delicious-looking skin around his forehead and neck were, they were doing a lot for his overall appearance...and for my heart rate.
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God, three weddings in one day, I'm going to be in Spanx for 12 hours. My elastic line is gonna get infected again.
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My heart's pounding like I'm watching Oprah's farewell season.
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I already have a drink. Do you think he'd buy me mozzarella sticks?
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Who's got two thumbs, speaks limited French and hasn't cried once today? This moi.
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When stuff is coming to an end, people freak out and they act crazy.
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I only work with a couple of co-writers who I'm really close with, so they always know what's going on in my life and we talk about things openly, they know every song is true to something that I'm either going through or have gone through before.
LIZ
Can I share with you my worldview? All of humankind has one thing in common: the sandwich. I believe that all anyone really wants in this life is to sit in peace and eat a sandwich.
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You can try to change New York, but it's like Jay-Z says: Concrete bunghole where dreams are made up, there's nothing you can do.
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Can't one human being not like another human being? Can't we all just not get along?
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My mom used to send me articles about how older virgins are considered good luck in Mexico.
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You can do some serious subway flirting before you realize the guy is homeless.
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I've been writing for myself since I was a teenager - I got into top-lining for some other artists/producers, but the focus was always on my own stuff.
LIZ
Instead, what I was beginning to understand was that however things unfolded from here on, whatever the next chapter was, my life could never be the sum of one circumstance. It would be determined, as it had always been, by my willingness to put one foot in front of the other, moving forward, come what may.
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If I have learned anything from my SIMS family: When a child doesn't see his father enough he starts to jump up and down, then his mood level will drop until he pees himself.
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You didn't realize emotion could be a weapon? Have you not read the poetry of Jewel?
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Now I'm heading home for a nooner, which is what I call having pancakes for lunch.
LIZ
Lizzing is a combination of laughing and whizzing.
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