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You can do some serious subway flirting before you realize the guy is homeless.
LIZ
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LIZ
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More quotes by LIZ
God, three weddings in one day, I'm going to be in Spanx for 12 hours. My elastic line is gonna get infected again.
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I don't need anyone. Because I can do every single thing that a person in a relationship can. Everything. Even zip up my own dress. You know, there are some things that are actually harder to do with two people. Such as monologues.
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I've been writing for myself since I was a teenager - I got into top-lining for some other artists/producers, but the focus was always on my own stuff.
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We have a show tonight. I've never missed a show. Not even the time I had that virus they kept saying only raccoons get.
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I don't care. I'll start my own group. Rejection from society is what created X-Men!
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You didn't realize emotion could be a weapon? Have you not read the poetry of Jewel?
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I'm 37, please don't make me go to Brooklyn.
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Can't one human being not like another human being? Can't we all just not get along?
LIZ
If you're ordering me an edible arrangement to say thanks, I'd prefer a meat one.
LIZ
Now I'm heading home for a nooner, which is what I call having pancakes for lunch.
LIZ
Can I share with you my worldview? All of humankind has one thing in common: the sandwich. I believe that all anyone really wants in this life is to sit in peace and eat a sandwich.
LIZ
I was inspired by a question that kept repeating itself in my mind: Could I really change my life? I'd spent so many days, weeks, months, and years thinking about doing things with my life, and now I wanted to know, if I committed to a goal and woke up every single day working hard at it, could I change my life?
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If I have learned anything from my SIMS family: When a child doesn't see his father enough he starts to jump up and down, then his mood level will drop until he pees himself.
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Instead, what I was beginning to understand was that however things unfolded from here on, whatever the next chapter was, my life could never be the sum of one circumstance. It would be determined, as it had always been, by my willingness to put one foot in front of the other, moving forward, come what may.
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I already have a drink. Do you think he'd buy me mozzarella sticks?
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I got into songwriting because I'm not very good at communicating sometimes, just my true words, so music was always my way of expressing myself and being able to put things into lyrics that I couldn't say necessarily in my everyday life.
LIZ
Whatever the tiny bubbles sitting beautifully on the surface of the absolutely delicious-looking skin around his forehead and neck were, they were doing a lot for his overall appearance...and for my heart rate.
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Who hasn't made mistakes? I once french kissed a dog at a party to try to impress what turned out to be a very tall 12 year old.
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My mom used to send me articles about how older virgins are considered good luck in Mexico.
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Lizzing is a combination of laughing and whizzing.
LIZ