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You can do some serious subway flirting before you realize the guy is homeless.
LIZ
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LIZ
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More quotes by LIZ
I already have a drink. Do you think he'd buy me mozzarella sticks?
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My heart's pounding like I'm watching Oprah's farewell season.
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Whatever the tiny bubbles sitting beautifully on the surface of the absolutely delicious-looking skin around his forehead and neck were, they were doing a lot for his overall appearance...and for my heart rate.
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If I have learned anything from my SIMS family: When a child doesn't see his father enough he starts to jump up and down, then his mood level will drop until he pees himself.
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Lizzing is a combination of laughing and whizzing.
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I don't need anyone. Because I can do every single thing that a person in a relationship can. Everything. Even zip up my own dress. You know, there are some things that are actually harder to do with two people. Such as monologues.
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I don't care. I'll start my own group. Rejection from society is what created X-Men!
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God, three weddings in one day, I'm going to be in Spanx for 12 hours. My elastic line is gonna get infected again.
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I've been writing for myself since I was a teenager - I got into top-lining for some other artists/producers, but the focus was always on my own stuff.
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All around us, people were cool. By association, so were we.
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I'm 37, please don't make me go to Brooklyn.
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Instead, what I was beginning to understand was that however things unfolded from here on, whatever the next chapter was, my life could never be the sum of one circumstance. It would be determined, as it had always been, by my willingness to put one foot in front of the other, moving forward, come what may.
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My mom used to send me articles about how older virgins are considered good luck in Mexico.
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Who hasn't made mistakes? I once french kissed a dog at a party to try to impress what turned out to be a very tall 12 year old.
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If you're ordering me an edible arrangement to say thanks, I'd prefer a meat one.
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I only work with a couple of co-writers who I'm really close with, so they always know what's going on in my life and we talk about things openly, they know every song is true to something that I'm either going through or have gone through before.
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I got into songwriting because I'm not very good at communicating sometimes, just my true words, so music was always my way of expressing myself and being able to put things into lyrics that I couldn't say necessarily in my everyday life.
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It's never fun to break someone's heart, that's so sad.
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Can I share with you my worldview? All of humankind has one thing in common: the sandwich. I believe that all anyone really wants in this life is to sit in peace and eat a sandwich.
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Now I'm heading home for a nooner, which is what I call having pancakes for lunch.
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