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God, three weddings in one day, I'm going to be in Spanx for 12 hours. My elastic line is gonna get infected again.
LIZ
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More quotes by LIZ
Who's got two thumbs, speaks limited French and hasn't cried once today? This moi.
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I don't need anyone. Because I can do every single thing that a person in a relationship can. Everything. Even zip up my own dress. You know, there are some things that are actually harder to do with two people. Such as monologues.
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I don't like writing in front of a lot of people, it has to be an intimate experience with people I trust.
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I was inspired by a question that kept repeating itself in my mind: Could I really change my life? I'd spent so many days, weeks, months, and years thinking about doing things with my life, and now I wanted to know, if I committed to a goal and woke up every single day working hard at it, could I change my life?
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My heart's pounding like I'm watching Oprah's farewell season.
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You can do some serious subway flirting before you realize the guy is homeless.
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You didn't realize emotion could be a weapon? Have you not read the poetry of Jewel?
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Lizzing is a combination of laughing and whizzing.
LIZ
Can't one human being not like another human being? Can't we all just not get along?
LIZ
Whatever the tiny bubbles sitting beautifully on the surface of the absolutely delicious-looking skin around his forehead and neck were, they were doing a lot for his overall appearance...and for my heart rate.
LIZ
I'm 37, please don't make me go to Brooklyn.
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I already have a drink. Do you think he'd buy me mozzarella sticks?
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If I have learned anything from my SIMS family: When a child doesn't see his father enough he starts to jump up and down, then his mood level will drop until he pees himself.
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If you're ordering me an edible arrangement to say thanks, I'd prefer a meat one.
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All around us, people were cool. By association, so were we.
LIZ
I got into songwriting because I'm not very good at communicating sometimes, just my true words, so music was always my way of expressing myself and being able to put things into lyrics that I couldn't say necessarily in my everyday life.
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Now I'm heading home for a nooner, which is what I call having pancakes for lunch.
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You can try to change New York, but it's like Jay-Z says: Concrete bunghole where dreams are made up, there's nothing you can do.
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My mom used to send me articles about how older virgins are considered good luck in Mexico.
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After all, isn't that what really draws the line between childhood and adulthood, knowing that you are solely responsible for yourself? If so, then my childhood ended at fifteen.
LIZ
