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God, three weddings in one day, I'm going to be in Spanx for 12 hours. My elastic line is gonna get infected again.
LIZ
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More quotes by LIZ
After all, isn't that what really draws the line between childhood and adulthood, knowing that you are solely responsible for yourself? If so, then my childhood ended at fifteen.
LIZ
If I have learned anything from my SIMS family: When a child doesn't see his father enough he starts to jump up and down, then his mood level will drop until he pees himself.
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Who hasn't made mistakes? I once french kissed a dog at a party to try to impress what turned out to be a very tall 12 year old.
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I don't need anyone. Because I can do every single thing that a person in a relationship can. Everything. Even zip up my own dress. You know, there are some things that are actually harder to do with two people. Such as monologues.
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I'm 37, please don't make me go to Brooklyn.
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My mom used to send me articles about how older virgins are considered good luck in Mexico.
LIZ
Lizzing is a combination of laughing and whizzing.
LIZ
You can try to change New York, but it's like Jay-Z says: Concrete bunghole where dreams are made up, there's nothing you can do.
LIZ
I was inspired by a question that kept repeating itself in my mind: Could I really change my life? I'd spent so many days, weeks, months, and years thinking about doing things with my life, and now I wanted to know, if I committed to a goal and woke up every single day working hard at it, could I change my life?
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I already have a drink. Do you think he'd buy me mozzarella sticks?
LIZ
Whatever the tiny bubbles sitting beautifully on the surface of the absolutely delicious-looking skin around his forehead and neck were, they were doing a lot for his overall appearance...and for my heart rate.
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Now I'm heading home for a nooner, which is what I call having pancakes for lunch.
LIZ
Who's got two thumbs, speaks limited French and hasn't cried once today? This moi.
LIZ
When stuff is coming to an end, people freak out and they act crazy.
LIZ
You didn't realize emotion could be a weapon? Have you not read the poetry of Jewel?
LIZ
It's never fun to break someone's heart, that's so sad.
LIZ
I've been writing for myself since I was a teenager - I got into top-lining for some other artists/producers, but the focus was always on my own stuff.
LIZ
If you're ordering me an edible arrangement to say thanks, I'd prefer a meat one.
LIZ
I only work with a couple of co-writers who I'm really close with, so they always know what's going on in my life and we talk about things openly, they know every song is true to something that I'm either going through or have gone through before.
LIZ
All around us, people were cool. By association, so were we.
LIZ
