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God, three weddings in one day, I'm going to be in Spanx for 12 hours. My elastic line is gonna get infected again.
LIZ
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More quotes by LIZ
If reality TV has taught us anything, it's that you can't keep people with no shame down.
LIZ
After all, isn't that what really draws the line between childhood and adulthood, knowing that you are solely responsible for yourself? If so, then my childhood ended at fifteen.
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I was inspired by a question that kept repeating itself in my mind: Could I really change my life? I'd spent so many days, weeks, months, and years thinking about doing things with my life, and now I wanted to know, if I committed to a goal and woke up every single day working hard at it, could I change my life?
LIZ
Instead, what I was beginning to understand was that however things unfolded from here on, whatever the next chapter was, my life could never be the sum of one circumstance. It would be determined, as it had always been, by my willingness to put one foot in front of the other, moving forward, come what may.
LIZ
If I have learned anything from my SIMS family: When a child doesn't see his father enough he starts to jump up and down, then his mood level will drop until he pees himself.
LIZ
I'm 37, please don't make me go to Brooklyn.
LIZ
We have a show tonight. I've never missed a show. Not even the time I had that virus they kept saying only raccoons get.
LIZ
Whatever the tiny bubbles sitting beautifully on the surface of the absolutely delicious-looking skin around his forehead and neck were, they were doing a lot for his overall appearance...and for my heart rate.
LIZ
Who hasn't made mistakes? I once french kissed a dog at a party to try to impress what turned out to be a very tall 12 year old.
LIZ
My heart's pounding like I'm watching Oprah's farewell season.
LIZ
I've been writing for myself since I was a teenager - I got into top-lining for some other artists/producers, but the focus was always on my own stuff.
LIZ
Who's got two thumbs, speaks limited French and hasn't cried once today? This moi.
LIZ
Lizzing is a combination of laughing and whizzing.
LIZ
You can do some serious subway flirting before you realize the guy is homeless.
LIZ
I don't need anyone. Because I can do every single thing that a person in a relationship can. Everything. Even zip up my own dress. You know, there are some things that are actually harder to do with two people. Such as monologues.
LIZ
When stuff is coming to an end, people freak out and they act crazy.
LIZ
I already have a drink. Do you think he'd buy me mozzarella sticks?
LIZ
Can I share with you my worldview? All of humankind has one thing in common: the sandwich. I believe that all anyone really wants in this life is to sit in peace and eat a sandwich.
LIZ
If you're ordering me an edible arrangement to say thanks, I'd prefer a meat one.
LIZ
Can't one human being not like another human being? Can't we all just not get along?
LIZ
