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God, three weddings in one day, I'm going to be in Spanx for 12 hours. My elastic line is gonna get infected again.

LIZ

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LIZ
Weddings
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Gonna
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Three
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Elastic

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Instead, what I was beginning to understand was that however things unfolded from here on, whatever the next chapter was, my life could never be the sum of one circumstance. It would be determined, as it had always been, by my willingness to put one foot in front of the other, moving forward, come what may.
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Who hasn't made mistakes? I once french kissed a dog at a party to try to impress what turned out to be a very tall 12 year old.
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Lizzing is a combination of laughing and whizzing.
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If reality TV has taught us anything, it's that you can't keep people with no shame down.
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We have a show tonight. I've never missed a show. Not even the time I had that virus they kept saying only raccoons get.
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Who's got two thumbs, speaks limited French and hasn't cried once today? This moi.
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I already have a drink. Do you think he'd buy me mozzarella sticks?
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My mom used to send me articles about how older virgins are considered good luck in Mexico.
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Can't one human being not like another human being? Can't we all just not get along?
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I don't care. I'll start my own group. Rejection from society is what created X-Men!
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You can do some serious subway flirting before you realize the guy is homeless.
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I'm 37, please don't make me go to Brooklyn.
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If I have learned anything from my SIMS family: When a child doesn't see his father enough he starts to jump up and down, then his mood level will drop until he pees himself.
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If you're ordering me an edible arrangement to say thanks, I'd prefer a meat one.
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All around us, people were cool. By association, so were we.
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It's never fun to break someone's heart, that's so sad.
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I've been writing for myself since I was a teenager - I got into top-lining for some other artists/producers, but the focus was always on my own stuff.
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I was inspired by a question that kept repeating itself in my mind: Could I really change my life? I'd spent so many days, weeks, months, and years thinking about doing things with my life, and now I wanted to know, if I committed to a goal and woke up every single day working hard at it, could I change my life?
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You didn't realize emotion could be a weapon? Have you not read the poetry of Jewel?
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I only work with a couple of co-writers who I'm really close with, so they always know what's going on in my life and we talk about things openly, they know every song is true to something that I'm either going through or have gone through before.
LIZ