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Can I share with you my worldview? All of humankind has one thing in common: the sandwich. I believe that all anyone really wants in this life is to sit in peace and eat a sandwich.
LIZ
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More quotes by LIZ
If you're ordering me an edible arrangement to say thanks, I'd prefer a meat one.
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Who hasn't made mistakes? I once french kissed a dog at a party to try to impress what turned out to be a very tall 12 year old.
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Whatever the tiny bubbles sitting beautifully on the surface of the absolutely delicious-looking skin around his forehead and neck were, they were doing a lot for his overall appearance...and for my heart rate.
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I got into songwriting because I'm not very good at communicating sometimes, just my true words, so music was always my way of expressing myself and being able to put things into lyrics that I couldn't say necessarily in my everyday life.
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I already have a drink. Do you think he'd buy me mozzarella sticks?
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God, three weddings in one day, I'm going to be in Spanx for 12 hours. My elastic line is gonna get infected again.
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Can't one human being not like another human being? Can't we all just not get along?
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It's never fun to break someone's heart, that's so sad.
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You didn't realize emotion could be a weapon? Have you not read the poetry of Jewel?
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All around us, people were cool. By association, so were we.
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I only work with a couple of co-writers who I'm really close with, so they always know what's going on in my life and we talk about things openly, they know every song is true to something that I'm either going through or have gone through before.
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I'm 37, please don't make me go to Brooklyn.
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Lizzing is a combination of laughing and whizzing.
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If reality TV has taught us anything, it's that you can't keep people with no shame down.
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I don't care. I'll start my own group. Rejection from society is what created X-Men!
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We have a show tonight. I've never missed a show. Not even the time I had that virus they kept saying only raccoons get.
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My mom used to send me articles about how older virgins are considered good luck in Mexico.
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I don't need anyone. Because I can do every single thing that a person in a relationship can. Everything. Even zip up my own dress. You know, there are some things that are actually harder to do with two people. Such as monologues.
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Who's got two thumbs, speaks limited French and hasn't cried once today? This moi.
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You can try to change New York, but it's like Jay-Z says: Concrete bunghole where dreams are made up, there's nothing you can do.
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