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I'm 37, please don't make me go to Brooklyn.
LIZ
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LIZ
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More quotes by LIZ
After all, isn't that what really draws the line between childhood and adulthood, knowing that you are solely responsible for yourself? If so, then my childhood ended at fifteen.
LIZ
Instead, what I was beginning to understand was that however things unfolded from here on, whatever the next chapter was, my life could never be the sum of one circumstance. It would be determined, as it had always been, by my willingness to put one foot in front of the other, moving forward, come what may.
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All around us, people were cool. By association, so were we.
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My heart's pounding like I'm watching Oprah's farewell season.
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Who hasn't made mistakes? I once french kissed a dog at a party to try to impress what turned out to be a very tall 12 year old.
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I already have a drink. Do you think he'd buy me mozzarella sticks?
LIZ
Who's got two thumbs, speaks limited French and hasn't cried once today? This moi.
LIZ
You can do some serious subway flirting before you realize the guy is homeless.
LIZ
We have a show tonight. I've never missed a show. Not even the time I had that virus they kept saying only raccoons get.
LIZ
God, three weddings in one day, I'm going to be in Spanx for 12 hours. My elastic line is gonna get infected again.
LIZ
Now I'm heading home for a nooner, which is what I call having pancakes for lunch.
LIZ
You didn't realize emotion could be a weapon? Have you not read the poetry of Jewel?
LIZ
I only work with a couple of co-writers who I'm really close with, so they always know what's going on in my life and we talk about things openly, they know every song is true to something that I'm either going through or have gone through before.
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Lizzing is a combination of laughing and whizzing.
LIZ
You can try to change New York, but it's like Jay-Z says: Concrete bunghole where dreams are made up, there's nothing you can do.
LIZ
I don't need anyone. Because I can do every single thing that a person in a relationship can. Everything. Even zip up my own dress. You know, there are some things that are actually harder to do with two people. Such as monologues.
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I don't care. I'll start my own group. Rejection from society is what created X-Men!
LIZ
It's never fun to break someone's heart, that's so sad.
LIZ
If you're ordering me an edible arrangement to say thanks, I'd prefer a meat one.
LIZ
I don't like writing in front of a lot of people, it has to be an intimate experience with people I trust.
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