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I'm 37, please don't make me go to Brooklyn.
LIZ
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More quotes by LIZ
If you're ordering me an edible arrangement to say thanks, I'd prefer a meat one.
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I was inspired by a question that kept repeating itself in my mind: Could I really change my life? I'd spent so many days, weeks, months, and years thinking about doing things with my life, and now I wanted to know, if I committed to a goal and woke up every single day working hard at it, could I change my life?
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Lizzing is a combination of laughing and whizzing.
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Can I share with you my worldview? All of humankind has one thing in common: the sandwich. I believe that all anyone really wants in this life is to sit in peace and eat a sandwich.
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I don't care. I'll start my own group. Rejection from society is what created X-Men!
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After all, isn't that what really draws the line between childhood and adulthood, knowing that you are solely responsible for yourself? If so, then my childhood ended at fifteen.
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If I have learned anything from my SIMS family: When a child doesn't see his father enough he starts to jump up and down, then his mood level will drop until he pees himself.
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We have a show tonight. I've never missed a show. Not even the time I had that virus they kept saying only raccoons get.
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God, three weddings in one day, I'm going to be in Spanx for 12 hours. My elastic line is gonna get infected again.
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Now I'm heading home for a nooner, which is what I call having pancakes for lunch.
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I already have a drink. Do you think he'd buy me mozzarella sticks?
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Who hasn't made mistakes? I once french kissed a dog at a party to try to impress what turned out to be a very tall 12 year old.
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My heart's pounding like I'm watching Oprah's farewell season.
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I don't need anyone. Because I can do every single thing that a person in a relationship can. Everything. Even zip up my own dress. You know, there are some things that are actually harder to do with two people. Such as monologues.
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You can try to change New York, but it's like Jay-Z says: Concrete bunghole where dreams are made up, there's nothing you can do.
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Can't one human being not like another human being? Can't we all just not get along?
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Whatever the tiny bubbles sitting beautifully on the surface of the absolutely delicious-looking skin around his forehead and neck were, they were doing a lot for his overall appearance...and for my heart rate.
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All around us, people were cool. By association, so were we.
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If reality TV has taught us anything, it's that you can't keep people with no shame down.
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I don't like writing in front of a lot of people, it has to be an intimate experience with people I trust.
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