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After living with Richard, I discovered that men are only good at cleaning stuff they can hose down.

Linda Sunshine

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Linda Sunshine
Housework
Richard
Cleaning
Discovered
Living
Stuff
Good
Men
Hose

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I discovered, quite early in motherhood, that the longest and most painful deliveries occur when you give birth to stepchildren.
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Our mother's first gift to us comes at the moment we are born, because Mom, as she will subsequently remind us over and over, gives us the Gift of Life Like many of the gifts we receive from our mothers, the Gift of Life usually doesn't fit properly and is almost never returnable without a major hassle.
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It's surely one of the strange phenomena of this decade that the most thoughtful gift you can bring a date is not flowers, chocolates, or ankle-length pearls, but a note from your doctor.
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If you talk about yourself, he'll think you're boring. If you talk about others, he'll think you're a gossip. If you talk about him, he'll think you're a brilliant conversationalist.
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As we move closer and closer to a nonsexist world, women will have an equal opportunity as men to be rejected, embarrassed, and humiliated beyond all consolation.
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Tip the world over and everything loose falls into L.A.
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Major fluctuations in weight gain and loss are detrimental to your health and embarrassing to explain to your friends and family.
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There are three very good reasons to travel: 1. See the world. 2. Meet new people. 3. Room service.
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Your sister is the only creature on earth who shares your heritage, history, environment, DNA, bone structure, and contempt for stupid Aunt Gertie.
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My sister taught me everything I really need to know, and she was only in sixth grade at the time.
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the three most common myths of modern romance: 1. Single men would prefer being married. 2. Married men actually leave their wives. 3. Men who wear gold chains give gold rings.
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As for breaking up, once the relationship is over, you never really know what went wrong you just feel nauseous whenever the subject comes to mind. After a plane crash there's the black box that tells the FAA what caused the crack-up. Too bad there's no black box of relationships.
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Changing schools and friends is hard on children and can often make them desperate and lonely enough to form closer ties with a sibling.
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Any idiot would know women's needs are simple. All we want is your basic millionaire brain surgeon criminal lawyer great dancer who pilots his own Lear Jet and owns seafront property. On the other hand, things being what they are today, most of us will settle for a guy who holds down a steady job and isn't carrying an infectious disease.
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Almost everything can be construed as sexual harassment depending upon the way it is said. One general rule of thumb is to think of your female co-workers as you would your sister. Yes, she is a woman. No, she is not a sexual object. Yes, your parents probably like her more than they like you.
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If you don't understand how a woman could both love her sister dearly and want to wring her neck at the same time, then you were probably an only child.
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Looking young and attractive with makeup is the next best thing to actually being young and attractive. After all, a woman only has a few years where she really is youthful, but she can wear foundation makeup til the day she dies (and even after!).
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I wasn't very good about the pain. I started screaming for painkillers after the third contraction and didn't stop until my daughter was eating solid food.
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The strongest common bond between the genders is the universally acknowledged truth that both men and women are unhappy with their hair.
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