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It's a shame cars don't run on cognitive dissonance.
Lewis Black
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Lewis Black
Age: 76
Born: 1948
Born: August 30
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Playwright
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Voice Actor
Writer
Silver Spring
Maryland
Lewis Niles Black
Cars
Shame
Car
Running
Dissonance
Cognitive
More quotes by Lewis Black
That's the funny thing about religion: it doesn't matter what you say, you're going to upset someone.
Lewis Black
You're on Facebook, and these people seem to have endless lives. I don't have time to live my life, let alone tell you what I'm doing, or post a photo.
Lewis Black
When I'm funny is when I'm angriest.
Lewis Black
I think the only reason you visit an Apple store is because you wonder what life is like on another planet.
Lewis Black
I'm amazed that anyone is interested in what I have to say.
Lewis Black
I do like Guinness, I have to say, because you feel like you're eating something.
Lewis Black
I've got stuff about airline mergers, which just shows that my stand-up is getting more insane by the minute.
Lewis Black
I never write anything down. I write onstage.
Lewis Black
Most of the longer-term relationships I've known have been gay relationships. They seem to be able to hang out longer.
Lewis Black
I would like to play Pebble Beach at some point. I keep waiting for them to call and ask me to that little pro-am thing, but I'm not big enough.
Lewis Black
The fine line that you do when you do political comedy is, as long as you have that laugh, you're fine.
Lewis Black
Glenn Beck has Nazi Tourettes'.
Lewis Black
There are two things I know about life... Only the good die young but the real jerks will live forever.
Lewis Black
This is the thing I've never understood: If someone is going to hell for being gay or being a Jew or a Muslim or having an abortion, then what are you worried about? You don't need to try and convert these people or try and save them. If you really believe in your religion, these people are already doomed, so stop worrying about them.
Lewis Black
What you don't do, if you're an adult, is decide that you're going to budget things through a sequester. What does that word have to do with budgeting? It's like if you have a family budget and go, 'We really don't know what to take out economically from the budget, so we're going to whack out protein for this week.'
Lewis Black
I was broke until I was 40. Really broke. I could get by, but I had nothing.
Lewis Black
You know. I don't think I'm gonna be Jewish for very long.
Lewis Black
Well first of all, I'd just like to say that 2005 was a great year, if you like swimming through crap.
Lewis Black
Writing is thinking and thinking is hard work.
Lewis Black
If you want to get an audience quiet, just say abortion and everybody shuts up and the tension in the room is spectacular.
Lewis Black
