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It's a shame cars don't run on cognitive dissonance.

Lewis Black

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Lewis Black
Age: 76
Born: 1948
Born: August 30
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Playwright
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Voice Actor
Writer
Silver Spring
Maryland
Lewis Niles Black
Car
Running
Dissonance
Cognitive
Cars
Shame

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My favorite health club is the International House of Pancakes
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Going up to Canada is great because I'm not dealing with people carrying their agendas into the room. I'm lucky because 97% of the people who come to the show know who they are dealing with, whether they are on the left or the right, we're sharing the same frustration.
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When I'm funny is when I'm angriest.
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Well first of all, I'd just like to say that 2005 was a great year, if you like swimming through crap.
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My problem has always been with authority, and I'm sure if anybody understands that, it's people in uniform.
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I had to watch the Republican stuff which makes me feel even older than I am. By the time I get through the Democrats, I may be dead. I don't know how much older I can get.
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A republican stands up in congress and says 'I GOT A REALLY BAD IDEA!!' and the democrat stands up after him and says 'AND I CAN MAKE IT SHITTIER!!
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I don't need politicians doing a 24-hour prayer with Oral Roberts to get our country back on track.
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One of the most important things, especially when you're leaving school, is to realize you're going to be dealing with a lot of idiots. And a lot of those idiots are in charge of things, so if you're in an interview and you really want to tell the person off, don't do it.
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I have no religion because I was born and raised Jewish. And on the first night of Hanukkah, my parents, when I was very young, gave me a top to play with. They called it a dreidel. I knew it was a top. And as I looked at that top, I said, 'You know. I don't think I'm gonna be Jewish for very long.
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In my lifetime, we've gone from Eisenhower to George W. Bush. We've gone from John F. Kennedy to Al Gore. If this is evolution, I believe that in twelve years, we'll be voting for plants.
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If you don't drink 56 bottles of water a week, scientists say you should take a garden hose at the end of the week and shove it up your ass.
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There should be a law that you can't shut down the government - that you don't have that power.
Lewis Black
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The whole Valentine's thing is fine, but you don't back it up right next to the biggest gift-giving holiday of the year. Unbelievable. And we find it acceptable.
Lewis Black
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It's great that we're bringing democracy to Iraq. I can't wait to see how we do it! What are we gonna do, give them our civics textbooks?
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If you are an adult, and you are planning to dress up on Halloween... don't. I will find you. I will hurt you.
Lewis Black
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Macs are not intuitive. It's intuitive to the person who created it. It's not intuitive to me.
Lewis Black
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Stand-up is the only thing in which you actually write it, act it and direct it simultaneously, so it's actually a great theater exercise.
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I do the same gig. I might change it a little I might slow it down if I'm in the South. I talk fast, and they're not used to people talking that fast.
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Everyone of you has a health that is unique and totally different from everybody else. Completely! Because we... are all like snowflakes.
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