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See... What I felt they should have done, for our first public works project, is build a giant wall... across the entire border of Canada. Because that's where the cold air comes from.
Lewis Black
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Lewis Black
Age: 76
Born: 1948
Born: August 30
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Playwright
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
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Silver Spring
Maryland
Lewis Niles Black
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Wall
Canada
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More quotes by Lewis Black
Republicans and Democrats can barely do what they're supposed to do, and they sure can't do math!
Lewis Black
I am angry that the Democrats don't have the ability to explain to Republicans that we should be able to feed people in this country, and that is not socialism.
Lewis Black
Valentine's Day: the holiday that reminds you that if you don't have a special someone, you're alone.
Lewis Black
If you're seeing a psychiatrist, you're wasting money because all you've got to do is get on a plane, get on a subway tomorrow and, inevitably, you're going to be seated in front of some guy who's playing with himself, and he'll be singing, 'Happy Days Are Here Again.' I tell you - when I see that guy, I feel pretty good about myself.
Lewis Black
That's the funny thing about religion: it doesn't matter what you say, you're going to upset someone.
Lewis Black
I don't know if watching Chaz Bono will turn your kids into transsexuals, but I'm pretty sure that letting them watch Keith Ablow will turn them into assholes
Lewis Black
I would like to play Pebble Beach at some point. I keep waiting for them to call and ask me to that little pro-am thing, but I'm not big enough.
Lewis Black
It was the coldest winter ever! I thought last winter was the coldest winter ever, but I was wrong now wasn't I? You see because I travel all the time. So last winter, I'd be in the midwest, and the blizzard would hit. And then I'd fly home, and the blizzard would hit again!
Lewis Black
When you compare Christmas to Hanukkah, there's no comparison. Christmas is great. Hanukkah sucks! First night you get socks. Second night, an eraser, a notebook. It's a Back-to-School holiday!
Lewis Black
I'm a selfish, little pig of a man.
Lewis Black
Writing is thinking and thinking is hard work.
Lewis Black
He smiles so much, I don't think he has a central nervous system.
Lewis Black
I had to watch the Republican stuff which makes me feel even older than I am. By the time I get through the Democrats, I may be dead. I don't know how much older I can get.
Lewis Black
All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.
Lewis Black
There are two things I know about life... Only the good die young but the real jerks will live forever.
Lewis Black
Mother Teresa had a mustache. Hitler had a mustache. Mother Teresa is Hitler.
Lewis Black
If you want to get an audience quiet, just say abortion and everybody shuts up and the tension in the room is spectacular.
Lewis Black
Donald Trump came out as a birther, which is Republican for, 'I'm running for president.'
Lewis Black
If we're not going to tax the rich anymore, we're going to create class warfare.
Lewis Black
You realize that for all the shenanigans that go on in the big circus of politics, everybody wakes up and goes to work.
Lewis Black