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I went to New Zealand this year, and, whew man, I know a lot of people want to go there. But let me just tell you, it's 22 hours by plane. So, if you have the opportunity, don't.

Lewis Black

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Lewis Black
Age: 76
Born: 1948
Born: August 30
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Playwright
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Voice Actor
Writer
Silver Spring
Maryland
Lewis Niles Black
Opportunity
Tell
Whew
Years
Zealand
Men
Plane
People
Planes
Went
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Hours

More quotes by Lewis Black

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I love anything that gets me outside of my own head. I love music because it's really just - I tried to play piano as a kid. I was awful. It didn't help, and this is absolutely true, that my piano teacher had arthritis. And that's not a good way to learn.
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I think the only reason you visit an Apple store is because you wonder what life is like on another planet.
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You can never put too much pork in your mouth as far as I'm concerned.
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Parenting isn't just parenting your own child.
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One thing I know about the rich, being rich, is that you can take money from me and tomorrow, I'm still going to be rich.
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I had an iPhone and a Droid and both of them were miserable pieces of equipment.
Lewis Black
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A lot of the times I'm looking at something that I discover is part of a larger framework and not just a couple jokes. I see that it's a set, a story that I'll be telling. Sometimes I get lost in that.
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When I was a kid, you ate, and you drank, and you passed out and nobody woke you up and said, 'Let's go shopping.
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Self-love is a big part of golf.
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Donald Trump came out as a birther, which is Republican for, 'I'm running for president.'
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You want to know what it's like to be on a plane for 22 hours? Sit in a chair, squeeze your head as hard as you can, don't stop, then take a paper bag and put it over your mouth and nose and breath your own air over and over and over.
Lewis Black
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He smiles so much, I don't think he has a central nervous system.
Lewis Black
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I believe that every paper in the country should have one headline that when you read it, you laugh so hard you can't stand it. It has to be that way. What about a headline like this: 'Hippo Eats Dwarf'? How good is that? You read that headline, and you immediately close the paper and say, 'Wow, it's gonna be a great day.
Lewis Black
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As psychotic as it gets outside, the comic can be more psychotic.
Lewis Black
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That's the funny thing about religion: it doesn't matter what you say, you're going to upset someone.
Lewis Black
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I do not make jokes about Sarah Palin simply because I could not live in this world if I believed she was a real person.
Lewis Black
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I would like to play Pebble Beach at some point. I keep waiting for them to call and ask me to that little pro-am thing, but I'm not big enough.
Lewis Black
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I have this insane optimistic streak that the American people prevail over the stupidity that the leadership exhibits time and time again, and I think that's the truth.
Lewis Black
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If you're going to vote for somebody because you think they have a great faith in God, you'd better be sure that God has faith in them.
Lewis Black
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I think inevitably over the course of my lifetime there's been an underestimation of the American people, and I believe they are really the ones that give me hope. There's so much of they don't know this, and they don't know that, and they're always denigrating.
Lewis Black