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On the plane was a Time magazine and there was a 30 page article on diabetes, and I read every page. By the time that plane landed, I had diabetes.

Lewis Black

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Lewis Black
Age: 76
Born: 1948
Born: August 30
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Playwright
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Voice Actor
Writer
Silver Spring
Maryland
Lewis Niles Black
Every
Magazine
Time
Plane
Articles
Planes
Magazines
Page
Landed
Pages
Diabetes
Read
Article

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My problem has always been with authority, and I'm sure if anybody understands that, it's people in uniform.
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I was a drinker, so I went through the scotches. Before single malts hit, there were really cheap scotches, because nobody was paying attention to them. Then by the time they started jacking those prices up, I moved on to vodka.
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I started playing golf when I was a kid, because across the street from where we lived there was a little nine-hole golf course where my father worked.
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I can pretty much guarantee that if I do a show in a comedy club, there will be someone who will come out of the audience and tell me the worst joke ever. It's just a guarantee.
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Donald Trump came out as a birther, which is Republican for, 'I'm running for president.'
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When you're fund-raising for schools, then something's wrong. We seem to have lost some sort of sense of what the common good is, and if you don't have a sense of what the common good is, then at least give to what you think your specific goods are.
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It was the coldest winter ever! I thought last winter was the coldest winter ever, but I was wrong now wasn't I? You see because I travel all the time. So last winter, I'd be in the midwest, and the blizzard would hit. And then I'd fly home, and the blizzard would hit again!
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If you're seeing a psychiatrist, you're wasting money because all you've got to do is get on a plane, get on a subway tomorrow and, inevitably, you're going to be seated in front of some guy who's playing with himself, and he'll be singing, 'Happy Days Are Here Again.' I tell you - when I see that guy, I feel pretty good about myself.
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Republicans and Democrats can barely do what they're supposed to do, and they sure can't do math!
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This is what I've been waiting for my whole life. A President who's not afraid to tell the truth about being a lying a**hole.
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Harry Reid is not funny he's creepy. Nancy Pelosi is creepy. Charles Schumer is sneaky and creepy.
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Usually I'm too tired to apologize.
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I think that many things that go on in an art school have a tendency to undermine confidence, and that shouldn't be part of the ballgame, ever.
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I'm a happy person but an angry citizen.
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He smiles so much, I don't think he has a central nervous system.
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I have never thought of my entertainment as being able to bring about social change. I am seriously always looking for the laugh. What it did make me conscious of was having empathy for those without any power in this country. That has always stuck with me.
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That's the funny thing about religion: it doesn't matter what you say, you're going to upset someone.
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North Korea is the country that the monkeys in the Wizard of Oz came from.
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I do not make jokes about Sarah Palin simply because I could not live in this world if I believed she was a real person.
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It's a shame cars don't run on cognitive dissonance.
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