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On the plane was a Time magazine and there was a 30 page article on diabetes, and I read every page. By the time that plane landed, I had diabetes.

Lewis Black

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Lewis Black
Age: 76
Born: 1948
Born: August 30
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Playwright
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Voice Actor
Writer
Silver Spring
Maryland
Lewis Niles Black
Time
Plane
Articles
Planes
Magazines
Page
Landed
Pages
Diabetes
Read
Article
Every
Magazine

More quotes by Lewis Black

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I continue to work on plays, but I've always felt that you could put a note in a bottle and send it offshore, and you'd have as much chance communicating with people.
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That's the funny thing about religion: it doesn't matter what you say, you're going to upset someone.
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I do the same gig. I might change it a little I might slow it down if I'm in the South. I talk fast, and they're not used to people talking that fast.
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I think inevitably over the course of my lifetime there's been an underestimation of the American people, and I believe they are really the ones that give me hope. There's so much of they don't know this, and they don't know that, and they're always denigrating.
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What you don't do, if you're an adult, is decide that you're going to budget things through a sequester. What does that word have to do with budgeting? It's like if you have a family budget and go, 'We really don't know what to take out economically from the budget, so we're going to whack out protein for this week.'
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Stand-up is the only thing in which you actually write it, act it and direct it simultaneously, so it's actually a great theater exercise.
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If you are an adult, and you are planning to dress up on Halloween... don't. I will find you. I will hurt you.
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All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.
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Some people have religion as a means of solace. But, I had a dreidel, so that was out.
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I think one reason people play golf is it allows them to obsess about something other than the daily crap. It takes your mind off that.
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If you stop eating donutes you will live 3 years longer.It's just 3 more years that you want a donut. < . ) < .
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Turns out we've been eating the wrong things...since the dawn of civilisation
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Online, there's no time. It's always Christmas.
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I think the only reason you visit an Apple store is because you wonder what life is like on another planet.
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Glenn Beck is offended! Glenn Beck thinks playing the Nazi card is going too far. Glenn Beck. this is a guy who uses more Swastika props and video of the Nuremberg rallies than the History Channel.
Lewis Black
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I have no religion because I was born and raised Jewish. And on the first night of Hanukkah, my parents, when I was very young, gave me a top to play with. They called it a dreidel. I knew it was a top. And as I looked at that top, I said, 'You know. I don't think I'm gonna be Jewish for very long.
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What is the difference between a Democrat and a Republican? A Democrat blows, a Republican sucks.
Lewis Black
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Macs are not intuitive. It's intuitive to the person who created it. It's not intuitive to me.
Lewis Black
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I think comics in New York are interested in being comics. And there're comics in L.A. who are touring comics, who are certainly more interested in stand-up, but a lot of L.A. stand-ups are really looking to do something else.
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We have a two-party system: The Democratic Party, which is a party of no ideas, and the Republican Party, which is a party of bad ideas.
Lewis Black