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When you compare Christmas to Hanukkah, there's no comparison. Christmas is great. Hanukkah sucks! First night you get socks. Second night, an eraser, a notebook. It's a Back-to-School holiday!

Lewis Black

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Lewis Black
Age: 76
Born: 1948
Born: August 30
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Playwright
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Voice Actor
Writer
Silver Spring
Maryland
Lewis Niles Black
Great
Compare
Hanukkah
Christmas
Erasers
Second
Socks
Night
Sucks
School
Sock
Back
Notebook
Firsts
Comparison
First
Holiday
Eraser

More quotes by Lewis Black

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I think that I don't panic as much as the folks on the left or the right do. I don't have that sense of panic.
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A lot of the times I'm looking at something that I discover is part of a larger framework and not just a couple jokes. I see that it's a set, a story that I'll be telling. Sometimes I get lost in that.
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It's a shame cars don't run on cognitive dissonance.
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Donald Trump came out as a birther, which is Republican for, 'I'm running for president.'
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Republicans and Democrats can barely do what they're supposed to do, and they sure can't do math!
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I have never thought of my entertainment as being able to bring about social change. I am seriously always looking for the laugh. What it did make me conscious of was having empathy for those without any power in this country. That has always stuck with me.
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Just relax and breathe through your ass.
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I was a drinker, so I went through the scotches. Before single malts hit, there were really cheap scotches, because nobody was paying attention to them. Then by the time they started jacking those prices up, I moved on to vodka.
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If you don't drink 56 bottles of water a week, scientists say you should take a garden hose at the end of the week and shove it up your ass.
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You can never put too much pork in your mouth as far as I'm concerned.
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I think the only reason you visit an Apple store is because you wonder what life is like on another planet.
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I was broke until I was 40. Really broke. I could get by, but I had nothing.
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Glenn Beck has Nazi Tourettes'.
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My problem has always been with authority, and I'm sure if anybody understands that, it's people in uniform.
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When I'm funny is when I'm angriest.
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All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.
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I do not make jokes about Sarah Palin simply because I could not live in this world if I believed she was a real person.
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There's a whole group of Christians who believe the individual is more important, but in the end I don't think that's what Christ was talking about.
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One of the most important things, especially when you're leaving school, is to realize you're going to be dealing with a lot of idiots. And a lot of those idiots are in charge of things, so if you're in an interview and you really want to tell the person off, don't do it.
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A republican stands up in congress and says 'I GOT A REALLY BAD IDEA!!' and the democrat stands up after him and says 'AND I CAN MAKE IT SHITTIER!!
Lewis Black