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In four days, I experienced five seasons. It was thirty, it was sixty, it was ninety, then it was twelve! And on the last day, there was thunder, lightning, and snow - together! And I hadn't done drugs.
Lewis Black
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Lewis Black
Age: 76
Born: 1948
Born: August 30
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Playwright
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Voice Actor
Writer
Silver Spring
Maryland
Lewis Niles Black
Last
Thirty
Thunder
Together
Snow
Ninety
Done
Seasons
Sixty
Drug
Lightning
Days
Twelve
Four
Hadn
Five
Experienced
Lasts
Drugs
More quotes by Lewis Black
When a country wants television more than they want clean water, they've lost their grip.
Lewis Black
If you don't drink 56 bottles of water a week, scientists say you should take a garden hose at the end of the week and shove it up your ass.
Lewis Black
I was broke until I was 40. Really broke. I could get by, but I had nothing. No health insurance, so if something happened I was screwed. I was lucky my parents had money and my brother was willing to support me for a long time. Once I started doing standup, I had an income, and that was amazing to me.
Lewis Black
Nyquil comes in two colors, red and green, and it's the only thing on the planet that tastes like red and green.
Lewis Black
I'm not a great joke writer, which is odd for a comic to say, but I'm not.
Lewis Black
There should be a law that you can't shut down the government - that you don't have that power.
Lewis Black
I do like Guinness, I have to say, because you feel like you're eating something.
Lewis Black
There is absolutely nothing you can learn out of one bllodeshot eye.
Lewis Black
Republicans and Democrats can barely do what they're supposed to do, and they sure can't do math!
Lewis Black
Just relax and breathe through your ass.
Lewis Black
North Korea is the country that the monkeys in the Wizard of Oz came from.
Lewis Black
One thing I know about the rich, being rich, is that you can take money from me and tomorrow, I'm still going to be rich.
Lewis Black
When I was a kid, you ate, and you drank, and you passed out and nobody woke you up and said, 'Let's go shopping.
Lewis Black
The fine line that you do when you do political comedy is, as long as you have that laugh, you're fine.
Lewis Black
Donald Trump came out as a birther, which is Republican for, 'I'm running for president.'
Lewis Black
See... What I felt they should have done, for our first public works project, is build a giant wall... across the entire border of Canada. Because that's where the cold air comes from.
Lewis Black
I had to watch the Republican stuff which makes me feel even older than I am. By the time I get through the Democrats, I may be dead. I don't know how much older I can get.
Lewis Black
I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.
Lewis Black
It's a big thing now: A lot of people want to be assistants to celebrities. If you're pursuing that, you're an idiot. You're a moron. The shortest distance between two points is not a celebrity, or being next to a celebrity.
Lewis Black
Every other civilized country has determined when life begins and it's something that eludes us. We've got things that have to be done! We didn't fix that bridge because you are all down at the meeting house discussing abortion again.
Lewis Black
