Quote

We don't have seasons anymore. You know why? We lost the ozone layer. Well, put it on milk cartons - let's find it!

Lewis Black

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Lewis Black
Age: 76
Born: 1948
Born: August 30
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Playwright
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Voice Actor
Writer
Silver Spring
Maryland
Lewis Niles Black
Find
Cartons
Wells
Ozone
Well
Layer
Layers
Milk
Seasons
Anymore
Lost

More quotes by Lewis Black

Image
If I wanted to be bored by 6,000 pages of unreadable dreck, I'd read War and Peace four times.
Lewis Black
Image
If a group of people - leaders - can convince a group of folk who barely have a pot to piss in that the rich shouldn't be taxed-- THAT is leadership!
Lewis Black
Image
Harry Reid is not funny he's creepy. Nancy Pelosi is creepy. Charles Schumer is sneaky and creepy.
Lewis Black
Image
Wow, you survived a blackout. You're made of stronger stuff than ice cream.
Lewis Black
Image
I was broke until I was 40. Really broke. I could get by, but I had nothing. No health insurance, so if something happened I was screwed. I was lucky my parents had money and my brother was willing to support me for a long time. Once I started doing standup, I had an income, and that was amazing to me.
Lewis Black
Image
I do not make jokes about Sarah Palin simply because I could not live in this world if I believed she was a real person.
Lewis Black
Image
Going up to Canada is great because I'm not dealing with people carrying their agendas into the room. I'm lucky because 97% of the people who come to the show know who they are dealing with, whether they are on the left or the right, we're sharing the same frustration.
Lewis Black
Image
Well first of all, I'd just like to say that 2005 was a great year, if you like swimming through crap.
Lewis Black
Image
Republicans and Democrats can barely do what they're supposed to do, and they sure can't do math!
Lewis Black
Image
Then there was the man who declared in court, he wasn't a person. Excuse me, sir, why haven't you paid your taxes. Well, as you can clearly see, I am not a person. Well, you look like a person. No it's all done with mirrors, trust me!
Lewis Black
Image
I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.
Lewis Black
Image
I'm a happy person but an angry citizen.
Lewis Black
Image
I have no religion because I was born and raised Jewish. And on the first night of Hanukkah, my parents, when I was very young, gave me a top to play with. They called it a dreidel. I knew it was a top. And as I looked at that top, I said, 'You know. I don't think I'm gonna be Jewish for very long.
Lewis Black
Image
This is what I've been waiting for my whole life. A President who's not afraid to tell the truth about being a lying a**hole.
Lewis Black
Image
I like college football, but I'm a huge college basketball fan. I could sit and watch every game of March Madness and be happy. That could be a vacation.
Lewis Black
Image
That's the funny thing about religion: it doesn't matter what you say, you're going to upset someone.
Lewis Black
Image
Every time I use an app, part of my brain dies! We'll get to the point where we go to bed and wonder: 'Did I have a thought today?' You'll have to go to your 'Thought' app!
Lewis Black
Image
You realize that for all the shenanigans that go on in the big circus of politics, everybody wakes up and goes to work.
Lewis Black
Image
Valentine's Day: the holiday that reminds you that if you don't have a special someone, you're alone.
Lewis Black
Image
No matter what, your parents are going to worry about you. I had a tour bus and my mother still thought I was broke. Remember: It's your life, not theirs. Just because your parents sent you to college doesn't mean they bought the rest of your life.
Lewis Black