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I do not make jokes about Sarah Palin simply because I could not live in this world if I believed she was a real person.
Lewis Black
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Lewis Black
Age: 76
Born: 1948
Born: August 30
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Playwright
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Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
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Silver Spring
Maryland
Lewis Niles Black
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Sarah
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More quotes by Lewis Black
I have this insane optimistic streak that the American people prevail over the stupidity that the leadership exhibits time and time again, and I think that's the truth.
Lewis Black
The people we elect aren't bipartisan. The American public is bipartisan.
Lewis Black
This is what I've been waiting for my whole life. A President who's not afraid to tell the truth about being a lying a**hole.
Lewis Black
If you don't drink 56 bottles of water a week, scientists say you should take a garden hose at the end of the week and shove it up your ass.
Lewis Black
This is the thing I've never understood: If someone is going to hell for being gay or being a Jew or a Muslim or having an abortion, then what are you worried about? You don't need to try and convert these people or try and save them. If you really believe in your religion, these people are already doomed, so stop worrying about them.
Lewis Black
I'm a selfish, little pig of a man.
Lewis Black
I've always been a social network retard, even before there was a social network. People would say, You want to go to this party and do some networking?
Lewis Black
In four days, I experienced five seasons. It was thirty, it was sixty, it was ninety, then it was twelve! And on the last day, there was thunder, lightning, and snow - together! And I hadn't done drugs.
Lewis Black
I believe that every paper in the country should have one headline that when you read it, you laugh so hard you can't stand it. It has to be that way. What about a headline like this: 'Hippo Eats Dwarf'? How good is that? You read that headline, and you immediately close the paper and say, 'Wow, it's gonna be a great day.
Lewis Black
Online, there's no time. It's always Christmas.
Lewis Black
Parenting isn't just parenting your own child.
Lewis Black
I had to watch the Republican stuff which makes me feel even older than I am. By the time I get through the Democrats, I may be dead. I don't know how much older I can get.
Lewis Black
I had an iPhone and a Droid and both of them were miserable pieces of equipment.
Lewis Black
You want to know what it's like to be on a plane for 22 hours? Sit in a chair, squeeze your head as hard as you can, don't stop, then take a paper bag and put it over your mouth and nose and breath your own air over and over and over.
Lewis Black
If I wanted to be bored by 6,000 pages of unreadable dreck, I'd read War and Peace four times.
Lewis Black
I was broke until I was 40. Really broke. I could get by, but I had nothing.
Lewis Black
I think comics in New York are interested in being comics. And there're comics in L.A. who are touring comics, who are certainly more interested in stand-up, but a lot of L.A. stand-ups are really looking to do something else.
Lewis Black
Donald Trump came out as a birther, which is Republican for, 'I'm running for president.'
Lewis Black
I don't need politicians doing a 24-hour prayer with Oral Roberts to get our country back on track.
Lewis Black
I've got stress like anybody else, and it builds up during the day. Like, I'll be trying to do something on the computer, and I'll get stuck ,so I go to the help section. And it just enrages me, because why even call it a help section at all? There's nothing in any way 'helpful' about it.
Lewis Black
