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Then there was the man who declared in court, he wasn't a person. Excuse me, sir, why haven't you paid your taxes. Well, as you can clearly see, I am not a person. Well, you look like a person. No it's all done with mirrors, trust me!
Lewis Black
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Lewis Black
Age: 76
Born: 1948
Born: August 30
Comedian
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Silver Spring
Maryland
Lewis Niles Black
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More quotes by Lewis Black
I'm amazed that anyone is interested in what I have to say.
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We have fossils... We win!
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sometimes i wonder does god just not care are is he to busy ignoring your prayers
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My problem has always been with authority, and I'm sure if anybody understands that, it's people in uniform.
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I'm not a great joke writer, which is odd for a comic to say, but I'm not. So it's hard for me to come up with things, because I don't write stuff, I don't write my act down.
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Usually I'm too tired to apologize.
Lewis Black
I had an iPhone and a Droid and both of them were miserable pieces of equipment.
Lewis Black
Ninety percent of a shirt that not only was bright purple and green but with a design on it that, if you moved too quickly, might cause a seizure in an unsuspecting onlooker.
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There's a whole group of Christians who believe the individual is more important, but in the end I don't think that's what Christ was talking about.
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I do not make jokes about Sarah Palin simply because I could not live in this world if I believed she was a real person.
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Wow, you survived a blackout. You're made of stronger stuff than ice cream.
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I do like Guinness, I have to say, because you feel like you're eating something.
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I went to New Zealand this year, and, whew man, I know a lot of people want to go there. But let me just tell you, it's 22 hours by plane. So, if you have the opportunity, don't.
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Glenn Beck has Nazi Tourettes'.
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Parenting isn't just parenting your own child.
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A republican stands up in congress and says 'I GOT A REALLY BAD IDEA!!' and the democrat stands up after him and says 'AND I CAN MAKE IT SHITTIER!!
Lewis Black
I have this insane optimistic streak that the American people prevail over the stupidity that the leadership exhibits time and time again, and I think that's the truth.
Lewis Black
Turns out we've been eating the wrong things...since the dawn of civilisation
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It's a privilege to pay taxes. Yeah! It's not a political question, folks. We have to pay for stuff.
Lewis Black
If a group of people - leaders - can convince a group of folk who barely have a pot to piss in that the rich shouldn't be taxed-- THAT is leadership!
Lewis Black