Quote

I was a drinker, so I went through the scotches. Before single malts hit, there were really cheap scotches, because nobody was paying attention to them. Then by the time they started jacking those prices up, I moved on to vodka.

Lewis Black

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Lewis Black
Age: 76
Born: 1948
Born: August 30
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Playwright
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Voice Actor
Writer
Silver Spring
Maryland
Lewis Niles Black
Went
Scotch
Attention
Prices
Really
Cheap
Time
Paying
Moved
Malt
Nobody
Drinker
Single
Drinkers
Started
Vodka

More quotes by Lewis Black

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Harry Reid is not funny he's creepy. Nancy Pelosi is creepy. Charles Schumer is sneaky and creepy.
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I've got stuff about airline mergers, which just shows that my stand-up is getting more insane by the minute.
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I don't understand how anybody's still a Democrat or a Republican. I don't know what they're basing it on.
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Most of the longer-term relationships I've known have been gay relationships. They seem to be able to hang out longer.
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It's a privilege to pay taxes. Yeah! It's not a political question, folks. We have to pay for stuff.
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We have a two-party system: The Democratic Party, which is a party of no ideas, and the Republican Party, which is a party of bad ideas.
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One thing I know about the rich, being rich, is that you can take money from me and tomorrow, I'm still going to be rich.
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You know. I don't think I'm gonna be Jewish for very long.
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Democrats are dumb and Republicans are stupid, but the difference between dumb and stupid is dumb isn't funny. Dumb is when you say something and the whole room goes, 'What did he say?'
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Going up to Canada is great because I'm not dealing with people carrying their agendas into the room. I'm lucky because 97% of the people who come to the show know who they are dealing with, whether they are on the left or the right, we're sharing the same frustration.
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I do not make jokes about Sarah Palin simply because I could not live in this world if I believed she was a real person.
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Mother Teresa had a mustache. Hitler had a mustache. Mother Teresa is Hitler.
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North Korea is the country that the monkeys in the Wizard of Oz came from.
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See... What I felt they should have done, for our first public works project, is build a giant wall... across the entire border of Canada. Because that's where the cold air comes from.
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Parenting isn't just parenting your own child.
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I've got stress like anybody else, and it builds up during the day. Like, I'll be trying to do something on the computer, and I'll get stuck ,so I go to the help section. And it just enrages me, because why even call it a help section at all? There's nothing in any way 'helpful' about it.
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I had an iPhone and a Droid and both of them were miserable pieces of equipment.
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I think comics in New York are interested in being comics. And there're comics in L.A. who are touring comics, who are certainly more interested in stand-up, but a lot of L.A. stand-ups are really looking to do something else.
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My problem has always been with authority, and I'm sure if anybody understands that, it's people in uniform.
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When we anticipate, we're the happiest. Unless you're on antidepressants. The reason you take antidepressants is because you can't anticipate. You think everything's going to be horrible, so it usually is.
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