Quote

I was a drinker, so I went through the scotches. Before single malts hit, there were really cheap scotches, because nobody was paying attention to them. Then by the time they started jacking those prices up, I moved on to vodka.

Lewis Black

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Lewis Black
Age: 76
Born: 1948
Born: August 30
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Playwright
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Voice Actor
Writer
Silver Spring
Maryland
Lewis Niles Black
Time
Paying
Moved
Malt
Nobody
Drinker
Single
Drinkers
Started
Vodka
Went
Scotch
Attention
Prices
Really
Cheap

More quotes by Lewis Black

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That's the funny thing about religion: it doesn't matter what you say, you're going to upset someone.
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I've got stuff about airline mergers, which just shows that my stand-up is getting more insane by the minute.
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He smiles so much, I don't think he has a central nervous system.
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I had to watch the Republican stuff which makes me feel even older than I am. By the time I get through the Democrats, I may be dead. I don't know how much older I can get.
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How our government works... it doesn't.
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Pursue whatever it is that you want to do with your life. It is the only secret to happiness that I know except for maybe true love, that and maybe having the amazing health insurance plan that our congressmen have.
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Democrats are dumb and Republicans are stupid, but the difference between dumb and stupid is dumb isn't funny. Dumb is when you say something and the whole room goes, 'What did he say?'
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Mother Teresa had a mustache. Hitler had a mustache. Mother Teresa is Hitler.
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I believe that every paper in the country should have one headline that when you read it, you laugh so hard you can't stand it. It has to be that way. What about a headline like this: 'Hippo Eats Dwarf'? How good is that? You read that headline, and you immediately close the paper and say, 'Wow, it's gonna be a great day.
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If you yell about one woman, you're not a misogynist. If I yell about Michelle Bachman, that doesn't make me a misogynist. If I compare all women to Michelle Bachman, then I'm a misogynist.
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Valentine's Day: the holiday that reminds you that if you don't have a special someone, you're alone.
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Well first of all, I'd just like to say that 2005 was a great year, if you like swimming through crap.
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It took forever for me to get work because I was a political comic, and now it's become good business, and God knows how long that'll last. You have to do it night after night after night to kind of make it. I still find myself on 'Piers Morgan' or on some show and I think, 'I hope this is funny.'
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It's absolutely stupid that we live without an ozone layer. We have men, we've got rockets, we've got saran wrap - fix it!
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Glenn Beck has Nazi Tourettes'.
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I had an iPhone and a Droid and both of them were miserable pieces of equipment.
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When from behind me, a young woman of 25 uttered the following, it was the dumbest thing I have ever heard in my life until Dan Quayle was elected Vice President of the United States. She said, if it weren't for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college.
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Everyone of you has a health that is unique and totally different from everybody else. Completely! Because we... are all like snowflakes.
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On the plane was a Time magazine and there was a 30 page article on diabetes, and I read every page. By the time that plane landed, I had diabetes.
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There is absolutely nothing you can learn out of one bllodeshot eye.
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