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It's great that we're bringing democracy to Iraq. I can't wait to see how we do it! What are we gonna do, give them our civics textbooks?
Lewis Black
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Lewis Black
Age: 76
Born: 1948
Born: August 30
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Playwright
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Voice Actor
Writer
Silver Spring
Maryland
Lewis Niles Black
Democracy
Waiting
Give
Civics
Giving
Textbooks
Great
Bringing
Gonna
Iraq
Wait
More quotes by Lewis Black
He smiles so much, I don't think he has a central nervous system.
Lewis Black
It was the coldest winter ever! I thought last winter was the coldest winter ever, but I was wrong now wasn't I? You see because I travel all the time. So last winter, I'd be in the midwest, and the blizzard would hit. And then I'd fly home, and the blizzard would hit again!
Lewis Black
No matter what, your parents are going to worry about you. I had a tour bus and my mother still thought I was broke. Remember: It's your life, not theirs. Just because your parents sent you to college doesn't mean they bought the rest of your life.
Lewis Black
You got to be just stupid to not be focused on alternative energy.
Lewis Black
If you stop eating donutes you will live 3 years longer.It's just 3 more years that you want a donut. < . ) < .
Lewis Black
If you don't drink 56 bottles of water a week, scientists say you should take a garden hose at the end of the week and shove it up your ass.
Lewis Black
Writing is thinking and thinking is hard work.
Lewis Black
Going up to Canada is great because I'm not dealing with people carrying their agendas into the room. I'm lucky because 97% of the people who come to the show know who they are dealing with, whether they are on the left or the right, we're sharing the same frustration.
Lewis Black
See... What I felt they should have done, for our first public works project, is build a giant wall... across the entire border of Canada. Because that's where the cold air comes from.
Lewis Black
Then there was the man who declared in court, he wasn't a person. Excuse me, sir, why haven't you paid your taxes. Well, as you can clearly see, I am not a person. Well, you look like a person. No it's all done with mirrors, trust me!
Lewis Black
I have this insane optimistic streak that the American people prevail over the stupidity that the leadership exhibits time and time again, and I think that's the truth.
Lewis Black
I do like Guinness, I have to say, because you feel like you're eating something.
Lewis Black
I never write anything down. I write onstage.
Lewis Black
I was broke until I was 40. Really broke. I could get by, but I had nothing. No health insurance, so if something happened I was screwed. I was lucky my parents had money and my brother was willing to support me for a long time. Once I started doing standup, I had an income, and that was amazing to me.
Lewis Black
When a country wants television more than they want clean water, they've lost their grip.
Lewis Black
I get an idea about something. I just start thinking about it, and then I get onstage and I talk about it, and then I think about it some more and talk about it some more, and think about it some more and talk about it some more, until it starts to take a shape.
Lewis Black
Stupid presidents, smart presidents, white presidents, black presidents - doesn't work! What this country needs is a crazy Third World dictator. And Donald Trump has what it takes to be that. He's already got a plane with his name on it, solid gold buildings, a harem...
Lewis Black
What is the difference between a Democrat and a Republican? A Democrat blows, a Republican sucks.
Lewis Black
The tortoise moves very slowly, it moves towards whatever the goal is, to keep a democratic capitalistic society functioning.
Lewis Black
The one thing I think we learned this year is that the Democrats and the Republicans are completely worthless.
Lewis Black