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This is what I've been waiting for my whole life. A President who's not afraid to tell the truth about being a lying a**hole.
Lewis Black
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Lewis Black
Age: 76
Born: 1948
Born: August 30
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Playwright
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Voice Actor
Writer
Silver Spring
Maryland
Lewis Niles Black
Lying
President
Tell
Truth
Whole
Hole
Life
Holes
Afraid
Waiting
More quotes by Lewis Black
You want to know what it's like to be on a plane for 22 hours? Sit in a chair, squeeze your head as hard as you can, don't stop, then take a paper bag and put it over your mouth and nose and breath your own air over and over and over.
Lewis Black
Harry Reid is not funny he's creepy. Nancy Pelosi is creepy. Charles Schumer is sneaky and creepy.
Lewis Black
If you're working out in front of a mirror and watching your muscles grow, your ego has reached a point where it is now eating itself. That's why I believe there should be a psychiatrist at every health club, so that when they see you doing this, they will take you away for a little chat.
Lewis Black
The fine line that you do when you do political comedy is, as long as you have that laugh, you're fine.
Lewis Black
I was broke until I was 40. Really broke. I could get by, but I had nothing.
Lewis Black
When you're fund-raising for schools, then something's wrong. We seem to have lost some sort of sense of what the common good is, and if you don't have a sense of what the common good is, then at least give to what you think your specific goods are.
Lewis Black
The thing that makes my generation The Greatest is our ability to hang out. We're spectacular at it. If you take somebody from my generation and sit them on a couch and bring them food and plumbing, they'll sit there and talk to you about anything you want until the day you die.
Lewis Black
You're on Facebook, and these people seem to have endless lives. I don't have time to live my life, let alone tell you what I'm doing, or post a photo.
Lewis Black
One of the most important things, especially when you're leaving school, is to realize you're going to be dealing with a lot of idiots. And a lot of those idiots are in charge of things, so if you're in an interview and you really want to tell the person off, don't do it.
Lewis Black
Can somebody explain to me why Pepsi and Coke advertise? Are we missing something? Seriously, everyone in this room has drank enough Pepsi and Coke in their lifetime they could piss it for a week.
Lewis Black
What is the difference between a Democrat and a Republican? A Democrat blows, a Republican sucks.
Lewis Black
What makes it difficult for people trying to follow a dream is that the whole time you feel like you're slamming your head against the wall. So it's nice to make a breakthrough and not kind of lying there with your head bleeding.
Lewis Black
I've always been a social network retard, even before there was a social network. People would say, You want to go to this party and do some networking?
Lewis Black
It took forever for me to get work because I was a political comic, and now it's become good business, and God knows how long that'll last. You have to do it night after night after night to kind of make it. I still find myself on 'Piers Morgan' or on some show and I think, 'I hope this is funny.'
Lewis Black
If you stop eating donutes you will live 3 years longer.It's just 3 more years that you want a donut. < . ) < .
Lewis Black
On the plane was a Time magazine and there was a 30 page article on diabetes, and I read every page. By the time that plane landed, I had diabetes.
Lewis Black
You know. I don't think I'm gonna be Jewish for very long.
Lewis Black
See... What I felt they should have done, for our first public works project, is build a giant wall... across the entire border of Canada. Because that's where the cold air comes from.
Lewis Black
I like indoor Christmas trees. And I like people who decorate their homes with lights and all that crap. I think it's a healthy outlet for them. If they weren't covering their lawns with twinkling lights, they'd be doing something that was really, really creepy.
Lewis Black
sometimes i wonder does god just not care are is he to busy ignoring your prayers
Lewis Black
