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This is what I've been waiting for my whole life. A President who's not afraid to tell the truth about being a lying a**hole.

Lewis Black

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Lewis Black
Age: 76
Born: 1948
Born: August 30
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Playwright
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Voice Actor
Writer
Silver Spring
Maryland
Lewis Niles Black
Waiting
Lying
President
Tell
Truth
Whole
Hole
Life
Holes
Afraid

More quotes by Lewis Black

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I like college football, but I'm a huge college basketball fan. I could sit and watch every game of March Madness and be happy. That could be a vacation.
Lewis Black
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I do like Guinness, I have to say, because you feel like you're eating something.
Lewis Black
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Stupid presidents, smart presidents, white presidents, black presidents - doesn't work! What this country needs is a crazy Third World dictator. And Donald Trump has what it takes to be that. He's already got a plane with his name on it, solid gold buildings, a harem...
Lewis Black
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Writing is thinking and thinking is hard work.
Lewis Black
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On the plane was a Time magazine and there was a 30 page article on diabetes, and I read every page. By the time that plane landed, I had diabetes.
Lewis Black
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Glenn Beck has Nazi Tourettes'.
Lewis Black
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If we're not going to tax the rich anymore, we're going to create class warfare.
Lewis Black
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What you don't do, if you're an adult, is decide that you're going to budget things through a sequester. What does that word have to do with budgeting? It's like if you have a family budget and go, 'We really don't know what to take out economically from the budget, so we're going to whack out protein for this week.'
Lewis Black
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I have no religion because I was born and raised Jewish. And on the first night of Hanukkah, my parents, when I was very young, gave me a top to play with. They called it a dreidel. I knew it was a top. And as I looked at that top, I said, 'You know. I don't think I'm gonna be Jewish for very long.
Lewis Black
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I'm amazed that anyone is interested in what I have to say.
Lewis Black
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Online, there's no time. It's always Christmas.
Lewis Black
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In four days, I experienced five seasons. It was thirty, it was sixty, it was ninety, then it was twelve! And on the last day, there was thunder, lightning, and snow - together! And I hadn't done drugs.
Lewis Black
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It took forever for me to get work because I was a political comic, and now it's become good business, and God knows how long that'll last. You have to do it night after night after night to kind of make it. I still find myself on 'Piers Morgan' or on some show and I think, 'I hope this is funny.'
Lewis Black
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When we anticipate, we're the happiest. Unless you're on antidepressants. The reason you take antidepressants is because you can't anticipate. You think everything's going to be horrible, so it usually is.
Lewis Black
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No matter what, your parents are going to worry about you. I had a tour bus and my mother still thought I was broke. Remember: It's your life, not theirs. Just because your parents sent you to college doesn't mean they bought the rest of your life.
Lewis Black
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If you're going to vote for somebody because you think they have a great faith in God, you'd better be sure that God has faith in them.
Lewis Black
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Pursue whatever it is that you want to do with your life. It is the only secret to happiness that I know except for maybe true love, that and maybe having the amazing health insurance plan that our congressmen have.
Lewis Black
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I've always been a social network retard, even before there was a social network. People would say, You want to go to this party and do some networking?
Lewis Black
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He smiles so much, I don't think he has a central nervous system.
Lewis Black
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If you stop eating donutes you will live 3 years longer.It's just 3 more years that you want a donut. < . ) < .
Lewis Black