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This is what I've been waiting for my whole life. A President who's not afraid to tell the truth about being a lying a**hole.

Lewis Black

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Lewis Black
Age: 76
Born: 1948
Born: August 30
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Playwright
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Voice Actor
Writer
Silver Spring
Maryland
Lewis Niles Black
Truth
Whole
Hole
Life
Holes
Afraid
Waiting
Lying
President
Tell

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If you don't drink 56 bottles of water a week, scientists say you should take a garden hose at the end of the week and shove it up your ass.
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Donald Trump came out as a birther, which is Republican for, 'I'm running for president.'
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Elected officials shouldn’t get to choose who gets to choose elected officials.
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I've always been a social network retard, even before there was a social network. People would say, You want to go to this party and do some networking?
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What makes it difficult for people trying to follow a dream is that the whole time you feel like you're slamming your head against the wall. So it's nice to make a breakthrough and not kind of lying there with your head bleeding.
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My favorite health club is the International House of Pancakes
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I had to watch the Republican stuff which makes me feel even older than I am. By the time I get through the Democrats, I may be dead. I don't know how much older I can get.
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You realize that for all the shenanigans that go on in the big circus of politics, everybody wakes up and goes to work.
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Writing is thinking and thinking is hard work.
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Ninety percent of a shirt that not only was bright purple and green but with a design on it that, if you moved too quickly, might cause a seizure in an unsuspecting onlooker.
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The people we elect aren't bipartisan. The American public is bipartisan.
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I'm a happy person but an angry citizen.
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Stand-up is the only thing in which you actually write it, act it and direct it simultaneously, so it's actually a great theater exercise.
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Earth Day was created because we were doing a lot of drugs, more drugs than you could ever f@*! imagine. And so we came up with Earth Day, so we'd have one day that would remind us what planet we were living on.
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We have fossils... We win!
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I like college football, but I'm a huge college basketball fan. I could sit and watch every game of March Madness and be happy. That could be a vacation.
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When from behind me, a young woman of 25 uttered the following, it was the dumbest thing I have ever heard in my life until Dan Quayle was elected Vice President of the United States. She said, if it weren't for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college.
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North Korea is the country that the monkeys in the Wizard of Oz came from.
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I think the only reason you visit an Apple store is because you wonder what life is like on another planet.
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I never write anything down. I write onstage.
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